Transformed, Changed

I realize now more than any other moment in my life that I am flawed. I am not perfect, I am not going to get it right most of the time but I will do my best with what I've been given. This morning in our family devotional time we read Acts 9 when Saul is converted on the road to Damascus. He was so certain of what he was to do, and then God struck him. The light, His voice, and then the blindness. How many of us could stand to be blinded for a time? Would it benefit our faith? I think it would. I can't imagine how utterly dependent he was on others without the basic ability to see. Is that what it takes to really shake us up? Is this what I need--to be blinded so that I really get just how dependent I need to be on God? He is the Master of my life, the Creator of all things, my Savior, my Redeemer, the one and only true God. And yet I am in this place of such doubt and uncertainty in my faith. Do I dare ask Him to provide something miraculous to prove He is there? I have seen Him in Chloe. The miracle of life. That I can't question. But what of His presence, His provision, His desire to make something good of what has happened here? In the deep, dark crevices of my soul I believe He is saying,"Yes, I am here. Yes, I will provide good for you even in the midst of this great struggle." Acts 9 was just the beginning for Paul. Great works and great suffering in the name of Christ lay ahead of him as he began his journey. I can't begin to understand what he endured, but I know God understands it all. I may not be able to make sense of what we are going through but He does. I know it is by His grace and peace that I can sleep at night, well, what little sleep I am getting when Chloe allows it. I know He intends to make me better by getting to the heart of the worst of me. I know it is going to be ugly and painful for awhile, but I know He'll help me get through it to the other side. That's when I'll be able to stand in my faith more confident, more secure in knowing God is there and He never changes. He is not moved by any of this. I would like to think He gets a real kick out of watching us navigate life as if we have it all figured out. We don't. Not even those who have been serving in leadership in our churches can say they've got it all figured out. They don't. How often do you hear them say, "I am sorry, I am flawed, I have screwed up." In my opinion, not often enough. Transformation, real change in our churches, real revival needs to occur on every level. It is necessary for every single one of us to be transparent, honest and real with each other. Accountability and integrity is lacking and without these, pride and arrogance slip in and take over. Too many of us are willing to stand silently and approve what is comfortable, safe, and packaged in a lovely box. More of us need to step forward and voice our expectations of what God has called His people to be. I am praying for transformation in my own life, and I pray that for our churches. Are you in need of transformation? Join me in stepping outside of the box, and choose to be transformed.
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