Finding God...

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If you are like me, blessed to grow up a PK (pastor's kid) then you have been taught and influenced all your life where and when you can find God and He is there. Throughout my walk with Christ since my decision at the young age of 7, I have always known I could look for God in the most obvious places. In worship, in my Sunday School class, at choir practice, at my Bible study group meeting, in my quiet time everyday. I could go on and on, but you get the point. What happens when you can't find Him there? That is where I am right now. I found myself sitting in worship Sunday going, "Okay, God, I know all this but really....where are you???" Psalm 8 tells me that His name should be enough to drown out all things negative. When we are at our weakest, He is strongest. Phillipians 4:13 tells me I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Paul knew it, was clinging to it even when he was facing a whole lot more than I will ever have to in my lifetime. I don't have pity parties, and I am not one to get stuck in a rut for long. I have prided myself for years on being an optimist, one who doesn't let life get her down and if it kicks me--I kick it back. Right now I am having trouble kicking it back. Life and its most recent blow is winning, and I am losing my ability to find God when I need Him most. I know He hasn't moved, He is still on His throne, He is bigger than anything life will ever throw my way. I get it, but I am questioning what the point of this most recent blow really is? How can it possibly be for good and by the way, when is it going to get better? When and how are you going to provide what we are hoping and praying for Lord? I will end my blog entry today with this glimpse of hope. This afternoon as I was holding Chloe in my arms, for a moment she just looked up at me. I found myself asking her, "What do you see? What is going on in that head of yours?" The look on her face was one that seemed to say, "Hey, it's you. It's really you. I am so glad you are here." I am certain God feels the same way about me, I just find myself wishing I could really hear Him say it.

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