Ryan and I got out of the house for a date last night. It was just an hour, got a sundae at McD's and went to the park, just the two of us. First time since Chloe's birth and some much needed alone time to just take some time alone and talk. It may not seem like much in terms of what a date night should be, but it was so needed. How are we? Well, if you've been reading my blog this week you know it hasn't been great. We are taking it a day at a time. Ryan is working a job he hates, but it is a paycheck that we need. He's got a couple of other prospects this week but like this job they are also just jobs. I shared in my blog yesterday a lot of questions I am pondering, and the state of my heart and mind right now is not great. I am struggling once again to understand His purpose for this time. This waiting, this season of uncertainty. I realize it is only uncertain to me, not to Him. Yes I get that the point of faith is trusting in the unseen, but I am having a hard time with it. I want to see something, just a glimpse. It is easy for me to say it isn't too much to ask, but I have been thinking today, perhaps I am asking too much of God? Is this another lesson in patience, growing my faith, my trust in Him? I want so much for Ryan and I to be in a better place than we are at this time. I want so much for both of us to be whole again, to be filled up and poured out in ministry, adn we are both so hungry for purpose. We know He is not finished with either one of us yet. We have been strengthened, blanketed with comfort by the prayers of our family and friends. As hard as it is to be in this season, the support we have helps us endure it. I heard Josh Wilson's song yesterday on the way home, "Before the Morning", and the timing of it couldn't have been more perfect. I have been so tired, so weary, for so long and the words of this song lifted me up just when I needed it most. The chorus kept circling in my mind long after the song ended. Encouragement to hold on, wait for the light, know that the pain we are feeling is just the dark before the morning. I am sure a lot of people are experiencing struggle today on a completely different level, and because of that I am humbled by the realization of just how blessed I am. No matter the struggle, thank goodness we can all say that we have a God who loves us deeply and can handle it all.
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