Less of me, more of Him

Yesterday was not such a great day. Well, let me clarify--this month has been a doozy in terms of my physical health. Keeping up with a new baby, and the stress of our situation on top of life in general for our family is taking its toll and I guess my body could only take so much. Early May, about the time I took Chloe for her checkup, I developed a nasty sinus infection. Antibiotic and a couple weeks later, I was some better but then I developed allergy/pink eye. This week I am once again facing illness as I woke Monday morning with drainage and sore throat, fluid in my ears and all over body aches. So, now I am finishing my eye drops this week and taking another antibiotic to knock out this stuff I've got. The joys of being sick-yuck! So May's not been so good to me. I am hoping by this weekend with Ry's birthday coming that I'll be much better. While I've been trying to rest up in my state of illness, I've been reading more of Louie Giglio's book "I am not but I know I AM", and last night was perfect. I must back track to a moment yesterday that started this interesting day. The mail came and Ryan got a letter from the prison stating he was not eligible for the position he interviewed for. So, okay we said. Okay God, this is an answer but perhaps not the answer we'd expected. He's got something else in mind for Ryan, that is a certainty. Later that night, Ryan was checking email when he found that he'd received an email from a church he'd applied to. He was informed that he made the second round of candidates for their worship position. This is one of two churches who have made contact with him in the last couple weeks for additional information. Last night as I was sitting in bed reading Giglio's book I couldn't help but feel this is it, this is the moment when the path begins to take a new direction. His purpose is beginning to unfold. These events are answers, answers that tell us God is truly at work and the path is taking shape for us. I have been knocked about for months now with waves of emotion, waves of extreme emotion and then extreme peace. I know God is in control, that has never been a question when it comes down to it. I readily admit that I don't like the waiting, the wondering, the how is this exactly going to work out for us part of the experience. I was once again jolted into focus when I read this last night:

'Waiting on God ascribes to God the glory of being all to us.'

I had to re-examine how I have behaved in this 'waiting'. I can say that there have been many moments in which God has not received glory, I have not allowed Him to be my all. So, how do I sustain, simmer in this 'waiting', this restful state? By starting with the idea that I am so incredibly small, and it is all about being less of me so that He can be more. I need to step out of the way, humbly acknowledge the power, the purpose that God holds and let Him do a good work in my life. How easy it is to think in that moment of peace and prosperity, I am doing so good, I have got this under control and I can run with it. We presume too much, and we become way too confident in our own shoes. I believe God wants us to be confident in our Christ walk, but that confidence should be in Him, the power of the Holy Spirit in us--it has nothing whatsoever to do with me.
So what is He up to? It is the question at the forefront of our minds right now. We don't know, we don't have those specific answers but we do know that He is working, yes He is.
Thank you Lord, for Your purpose, Your plan for my life and for Ryan's. We will continue to have hope, to trust in You.
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