Physical illness and stress are not good combinations. This week has been particularly trying for me and Ryan as he has applied for every job opening he can find in this area and nothing is opening up. Currently the job he is working is not consistent hours and very little pay. That adds up to a great struggle for us to pay our bills every month. Despite the reality of our current situation and our conditions, somehow we know God has a plan and will provide. I have for weeks been blogging very openly and honestly about our struggles. Perhaps I need to put a warning on my entries to those who would dare read it because it has come to my attention that somehow I could be jeopardizing Ryan's chances at a new job. Let me say this now: if you can't read this blog as simply my way of working through what we are experiencing, then don't read it. This is an outlet for me, that is all. I can only hope that sharing my heart as we walk through this difficult season will help others to see that ministry work is no bed of roses sometimes. This is a journey, and by sharing it I know I will get to the other side and be stronger and better for the journey ahead. If I have offended anyone by what I have written, please know it is not my intention. I am so incredibly appreciative to so many people, dear friends and family who have stood beside us throughout this season. We could not get through it without your love, your support, your prayers and encouragement. God has provided abundantly and for that I am so grateful and so humbled. I am standing on the promise He made in Jeremiah 29:11 today, that He has a plan for me and it is for good, it is to prosper me and not harm me. I know He is working and I know He has a plan. I am a ridiculously weak and incompetent human being who will probably screw up a whole lot more than I will get it right. Thank goodness for His mercy, His forgiveness and His grace. He is good, even in the worst of times, I know He is good to me.
Joy and Light
Early Tuesday morning January 2, 2024, I got a call that my Mom was slipping away and the family should come. We knew she was not doing well these past couple of weeks as she had developed pneumonia and covid, and she was struggling just to manage breathing. When I arrived, the nurse brought me in to Mom's bedside, and quietly stepped out to give me some time alone with her before my Dad and my brother arrived. I cried like I have never cried before in my life, and went to my knees beside her, resting my hand on her arm. I have no words to describe what it felt like in that moment, the finality and the reality of it. My brain understood she was gone, no longer there. But my heart, regardless of how far gone Mom had been for years now..... my heart was suddenly flooded with the feelings, the sounds, the memories of her across my entire life, rushing through my head in that moment all at once. It felt like time kind of stopped, s...
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