Joy and Light

Ryan and I were looking online at ministry openings last night and in the process I found myself considering, reflecting on what an incredibly gifted and passionate man he is. What makes me both heartbroken and highly expectant at the same time is the realization that nobody has really tapped in to that yet. A lot of people we know and have been blessed to minister with have gotten a taste, a sample of what is in him. What makes me sit on the edge of my seat in great expectation at this moment in our lives more than ever is the fact that something is about to come along for him and as soon as it does, he is going to blow the doors wide open with what he can do. So, in my own way I want to make this blog entry a focus on my awesome husband, Ryan. It may be Mother's Day this weekend, but I am choosing to put the focus on him. When we met, I knew early on this was the man God had for me. He has a passion, a kindness, a love for the Lord and for the gifts he's been given that is admirable and inspiring to me. I have not met anyone who is as true to his calling as Ryan. The road of life has thrown some curve balls his way, and despite some of our struggles he has managed to roll with it in one way or another. Sure there have been many times I have had to kick him into gear, slap some reality in to him but he has not lost sight of what his calling is, what is most important and who he is in Christ. I have wanted so much more for him than what he has been given over the years, and in light of it all a lot of people would not have stood through it like he has. Over the past months since he was let go from his job, it has been a painful process. Life is certain to hand us a lot of disappointment, and for most of us our hearts and minds can only take so much before it starts to chip away at us, tear us down. I know we are in that place right now, so it is at that point when we are humbled, broken and at our weakest--we are truly ready for God to do a work in us. For a couple of weeks now I have had an underlying feeling of high expectation and tangible anticipation. I believe God is already at work on Ryan's behalf. I still don't understand the waiting, and I wish something would happen right now but underneath that is the Holy Spirit calming me and reassuring me that He is in control and He is going to move when the timing is right. I may not be able to understand or comprehend what God is up to, but I can rest in the assurance that He is still there, on His throne, doing what He does best. I can sit confidently in His peace when I choose each and every day to trust and obey Him. I may not want to, I may not feel like it and I would more easily fall into the depths of worry and anxiety, but somehow I have to choose it. It is only because I can't handle it on my own. None of us can. When I am at the end of myself, He is there and He is able to take care of me. Thank you Lord, thank you for Ryan. Thank you for the love we have, for the blessing you have given us in four beautiful and incredible children and an amazing circle of family and friends to love us, encourage us, support us, pray us through the most difficult times. This is what I treasure.