At one point today I honestly felt like Monday had never ended. It seemed that the day had just bled right in to today. And then when I realized it was Tuesday, well, that just didn't make me feel any better. Such is the life for me. I keep telling myself it will get better, the baby part I mean. At some point I will get more than 5 hours of sleep again and oh my goodness, when was the last time Ryan and I had a date night?! Ooh, not good. Okay, so life is a bit blurry and ragged around the edges for me right now, but in my state I can still say I am very blessed. Since Easter rolled in this year I have made time in my thought process, in my time to myself to think about what we have to be thankful for. It is easy in our human nature when we are met with something unexpected and difficult to get bogged down, depressed and down right bitter about what we have lost, what we don't have. There are days I definitely could let myself go, wallow in it. I choose not to, and no matter how ugly it gets somehow I manage to grasp the feet of Jesus and say, "I can't anymore. Lord, help me move." There are days I am so weary that I can't even muster the words. He is my strength in moments of utter failure and distress. He is my peace when the storm is howling and whipping at me so fierce that I can't find a way out. He is there, He hasn't moved and won't, and He will take care of me no matter what. I just read the passage in Matthew 14 about Peter stepping out of the boat to walk to Jesus. As the storm whipped around him he lost his ability to focus on Christ, and he began to sink. "Master, save me!" He cried out as he was sinking, deep into the storm that raged around him. That passage in Matthew reminds me that even in the darkest storm, Jesus is still there and will save me. I don't think I could have stepped out of that boat like Peter did. I am sure I would have watched him with a great deal of envy at his faith. I know Jesus isn't asking me to walk on water, but as we continue to wait I wonder what He wants from us. I wonder what He has for us, for Ryan. I know it must be good, it has to be. God is not finished with either one of us yet, there is so much work to do for the Kingdom. I hope and pray I am ready, that my faith can take whatever He has for us to do. Prepare me Lord, and prepare the way.
163 days....
163 days. I can't believe it's been nearly 32 years since we officially began our life together. I remember when you asked me to marry you on a fun evening out for a festive holiday get away to see the lights at Silver Dollar City in December of 1993. Mike and Amy joined us, and little did I know they were in on the secret and knew what was coming. You surprised me as you and I had a moment in the wilderness chapel, and you got down on one knee and asked me....it was yeah, a storybook, fairy tale, all the feels kind of moment! My Ry is really a romantic and an absolute charmer at heart. I can't imagine it being any other way. It doesn't feel like it's been over 30 years. A lot of life has happened since those early days when we'd only been together for about 9-10 months. I knew I was going to marry you just a month into our relationship. I knew God gave you to me, and me to you. 163 days til we celebrate another yea...
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