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Showing posts from May, 2011

Less of me, more of Him

Yesterday was not such a great day. Well, let me clarify--this month has been a doozy in terms of my physical health. Keeping up with a new baby, and the stress of our situation on top of life in general for our family is taking its toll and I guess my body could only take so much. Early May, about the time I took Chloe for her checkup, I developed a nasty sinus infection. Antibiotic and a couple weeks later, I was some better but then I developed allergy/pink eye. This week I am once again facing illness as I woke Monday morning with drainage and sore throat, fluid in my ears and all over body aches. So, now I am finishing my eye drops this week and taking another antibiotic to knock out this stuff I've got. The joys of being sick-yuck! So May's not been so good to me. I am hoping by this weekend with Ry's birthday coming that I'll be much better. While I've been trying to rest up in my state of illness, I've been reading more of Louie Giglio's b…

God's perfect plan

I know His ways are not my ways. He is God, I am not. He is I AM, I am I AM NOT. I know, it takes a minute to get that phrase, thank you Louie Giglio. I am still working on his book and David Crowder's. I love how both of these guys are getting into my head, saying it just like I need to hear it.

I get it now more than ever, isn't it interesting how God uses suffering to help us really get it and get Him? I still haven't completely wrapped my brain around it, it is a work in progress. How easy is it for us to get cocky in our faith, lazy in our Christ walk when things are going well? The truth is, Ryan and I have been experiencing so many trials over the past several years. It began with our move back to Nashville to help start a church plant. Little did we know the direction our Christ walk would go from there. I believe it was the beginning of an amazing work God has been doing in Ryan and I. I can't get this thought out of my head that was in my devotiona…
I don't know how to begin. I am exhausted physically, emotionally and spiritually and this incredible song came on the radio this week and it has stuck with me for days. Laura Story, a gifted and amazing artist, sings "Blessings". Oh my goodness, this song was written just for me. The second verse gets me because the words, well, it is just what I am experiencing.

'We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe'

Yes, I get it God, I am weak, I cannot do a thing in this life on my own without your blessing, your purpose and your will oozing forth from it--if it is not of You, it is not to be. I get that You are here, that You haven't gone anywhere, You are not moved, shaken or surprised in any way by any of this. But I am. I don't like it,…

I am not

I've been reading this great book for awhile now by Louie Giglio about recognizing that in terms of the big picture, I am not and God truly is I AM. He is the One true God, who is in complete control of this life and I cannot do any of this on my own with the kind of success that can only come in the pursuit of righteousness. Daily I need to be more like Christ, I strive toward the goal He has set before me but I know, I know that until I am standing before Him I won't know it fully. I can do all these things in my life for good, but it doesn't amount to a thing unless my heart is pure and my greatest desire is to simply trust and obey Him with my life. It is so easy, even for a Christian and all we claim to be, to get cocky, arrogant, prideful in our walk. So why is it so surprising and so painful when something happens to knock us flat on our backs? It is in those moments we have the opportunity to immediately evaluate the heart and its true intentions. I love thi…
I was listening to Natalie Grant on the way to work this morning, and these inspiring words rang through me with such power and strength:
'I will bring praise, I will bring praise,
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here.'

I need this right now. Ryan and I are working through this season daily, but the disappointment of our current situation can be taxing physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, etc. It is hard to be living a season of life that is not where we want to be. We know we'd love to be in full time ministry, but that has not presented itself yet. Today my devotional was about worship in every aspect of our lives. Not just when we gather on Sunday, but in every moment of every day of life. Good or bad, boring or exciting, confusing or clear, painful or not--we are called to worship! Moments like this morning on the way to work, talking with God, singing praise to him along with Natalie, I f…

He is at work, yes, He is!

It can be said that as life wears us down, our beliefs can become warped. As a Christ follower, I should face life standing firmly upon the Word of God and strong in my faith. I can trust God knowing that the Holy Spirit is within me, growing me, improving my knowledge of all things eternal and ultimately guiding me to a place of greater wisdom and strength. I am at a point in my faith walk and after taking some pretty serious punches from life, I am worn out. But...I am also very, very hungry. Hungry for knowledge, of His Word, of any resource I can get my hands on to push me forward. I am not one to give up, to give in when knocked about. I want to move forward, I must and so I do. I know I am tired, I know I feel as if I can't take one more thing, but somehow I manage to push forward. What is it that keeps me going? When all else seems to fail, what is it? It is Him. I know the Great I Am, the Lord Almighty who is seated on His throne and will not fail me! I know I…
Ryan and I were looking online at ministry openings last night and in the process I found myself considering, reflecting on what an incredibly gifted and passionate man he is. What makes me both heartbroken and highly expectant at the same time is the realization that nobody has really tapped in to that yet. A lot of people we know and have been blessed to minister with have gotten a taste, a sample of what is in him. What makes me sit on the edge of my seat in great expectation at this moment in our lives more than ever is the fact that something is about to come along for him and as soon as it does, he is going to blow the doors wide open with what he can do. So, in my own way I want to make this blog entry a focus on my awesome husband, Ryan. It may be Mother's Day this weekend, but I am choosing to put the focus on him. When we met, I knew early on this was the man God had for me. He has a passion, a kindness, a love for the Lord and for the gifts he's been given th…
Physical illness and stress are not good combinations. This week has been particularly trying for me and Ryan as he has applied for every job opening he can find in this area and nothing is opening up. Currently the job he is working is not consistent hours and very little pay. That adds up to a great struggle for us to pay our bills every month. Despite the reality of our current situation and our conditions, somehow we know God has a plan and will provide. I have for weeks been blogging very openly and honestly about our struggles. Perhaps I need to put a warning on my entries to those who would dare read it because it has come to my attention that somehow I could be jeopardizing Ryan's chances at a new job. Let me say this now: if you can't read this blog as simply my way of working through what we are experiencing, then don't read it. This is an outlet for me, that is all. I can only hope that sharing my heart as we walk through this difficult season will help…

Powerful and Effective

James 5:16 Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with.

I have heard it, I have said it, and I have believed it all my life: prayer is powerful and effective! We are God's children, and He wants to hear from us. He wants to hear us say we believe He can heal, He will restore, He will provide exactly what we need and want. In my devotional today I was struck by the author's transparency. He admitted that in his prayers for his dying sister he asked for comfort and peace, and ease from the pain; he didn't ask for healing. Some time later he was able to pray for her healing. How many of us can say we believe it, but we ourselves don't pray it? It is easy when life gets hard and seems to be rolling forward and all you can do is hang on by the tips of your fingernails, to find yourself wonde…

Faith

God, You are my God! I can't get enough of You! I've worked up such hunger and thirst for God, traveling across dry and weary deserts. Psalm 63

I was so proud, so moved by my daughter today. Seeing spiritual maturity in my child is moving. It reminds me when I am perhaps at my lowest, that there really is a God. I am certain that He timed that moment just for me today. The youth choir sang a beautiful song about faith today, and as I watched and listened to my daughter and her sweet friends sing such precious words of encouragement I found my spiritual state lifted. Another week gone by, and another rejection for a ministry job for Ryan has left us at or very near the bottom. Emotions running high, questions flooding through our hearts and minds, and we find ourselves simply saying, "Okay, we're done." We find ourselves at a place in which somehow, some way we feel like God's gonna have to move the mountain to us cause we can't muster the strengt…