Another Monday, everything starts over again. Nothing gets your day going like kids dragging out of bed, running late from the get go, frantically getting what I can get done before heading to work and a few unexpected things thrown in the mix. I am a ball of stress right now cause some things in my life I feel are still unsettled. For about three years now I have been going through some form of mid life crisis. I love being a wife and mother more than anything, but some of our choices and life's unexpected curves have made that more challenging for me. I am at a point in my life that I must do something more to help us get back on our feet financially. Last year was a year of huge challenge for Ryan and I and so this year not only brings with it new starts, but the even greater challenge of climbing out of the previous year's challenges. We are faced with replacing an engine in one vehicle, then there is the job situation for me, repairing our credit/debt situation which may or may not include filing for bankruptcy, living in a rental that may at any moment sell which will require us to find other housing....shall I go on? I wonder sometimes how I don't wind up driving myself into a major depression thinking about it all because it seems so impossible. There are days when I have those moments, I see myself standing on the edge of a cliff and the pull to fall is so strong. What saves me? God. Life is unpredictable and unfair all the time, so I must choose to reach for Him, trust Him, know He will not fail me even when I feel myself failing to cope with it all. Somehow I find comfort there, bury my head in his arms and just let go of it all knowing He will take care of it. I am thankful for the ways He has provided for us already, and my greatest challenge is to daily focus on what we have to be thankful for and not how we are going to accomplish this goal or that goal over the course of the months that lie ahead. Whether we are in a good or bad place in our lives, we should have this focus at all times. I am finding through this time that it keeps me more grounded in my faith than I have ever been. He provides such wisdom for us if we will accept it through His word. Proverbs is full of words regarding wisdom and how much more we benefit from it than things that are foolish and fleeting. God's got all the answers, and I don't need to know them all. What a relief.
Breathing room
The week leading up to Easter weekend this year, as part of my focus, my reflection upon this season of my life, my prayers, my meditations, my seeking greater space and breathing room-I determined it was time for me to depart social media. I had been thinking about it last year just prior to the holidays and the impending presidential election year of 2024. So I did just that, and it has been precisely what my heart and my mind needed. Since my Mom died in January, I have been thinking and internalizing a lot more with the goal to refresh, renew, re-focus. This season of experiencing simultaneous grief and peace has sharpened my internal perspective far more than any other time in my life. The reality is as life rolls on day after day, month after month, year after year, the rhythm of life brings a level of comfort and complacency for all of us. The unexpected can shake us, awaken us to a part of ourselves deep down that we didn't know was ther...
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