Strength, Courage, Hope

…God will make you complete, steady, strong and firm. 1 Peter 5:10

I am definitely a type A personality, prefer some order and a well-organized plan versus flying by the seat of my pants. I like to know what’s coming, and I do not like surprises. My family would tell you straight up if we are going out to celebrate my birthday, don’t even think about getting the waiter/waitress to do that birthday singing thing that gets the entire restaurant staring at our table. I would be very unhappy with you if you chose to go this route. Just don’t do it. That being said, surprises in life occur all the time. And I am not one to pitch a big fit like a child throwing herself on the floor in the middle of the grocery store shopping trip, but sometimes I just don’t handle it well at all. My human nature chooses to allow the emotional and sometimes irrational to lead before turning first to the Holy Spirit within. It’s something I don’t like to admit, but it is true about my personality. Sometimes it takes more time for me to work up the courage, the strength to face what threatens to knock me flat on my butt. I have to literally speak truth out loud to myself, to redirect my mind and my resulting behavior to the things that are higher, better, wiser. I don’t like feeling helpless, not in control. But I know that initial fear, that reminder to my human nature that I am not in control and higher power is-that’s how trust in my God surges once again. That’s how He brings me back to seeking Him first especially when my life is suddenly and very clearly not within my control. It is a powerful reminder by my Father God of Whose I am. I cannot trust anything this world has to offer me. But I can always trust Him.

My son Bailey is approaching his senior year in high school in just a couple months, and so I have been thinking back over the years of his life and how far we have come. I remember the day he was born, it was such a relief for me to finally hold him in my arms after sitting in a hospital for a week due to my water prematurely breaking, a slow leak they called it, but concerning enough to put me on antibiotic drip and make me sit on “stand-by” awaiting the perfect time for our baby boy to arrive. God truly teaches us patience and trust through life experiences such as this. I didn’t plan on this pregnancy/birth to go this way, but it wasn’t up to me. I didn’t plan for it to be such a difficult first year with him, the challenges of just getting him to nurse, and then the re-occurring illnesses with respiratory viruses that led to RSV and 4 days in the hospital by the time he was 5 months old. I didn’t plan on my world as I knew it spiraling out of control at that point, but it did and as a result I was so consumed with worry for my child, for my family, that my exhaustion mentally and spiritually would lead to having fearful visions. It’s not what God intended for me, but I had found myself there nonetheless. I am thankful that in that season of severe fatigue and exhaustion, and deep-seated depression, I had a support system around me to help me find my way back to the courage and strength that can only be found in Christ. It was a terrible lesson for me in what not to do when things go badly in this life. It was a powerful lesson for me that God is faithful and He will care for us so deeply, if we choose to trust Him, call His name and stand upon His promises for our lives! I don’t know how else to explain this particular season in my life, but I do know it took my utter failure as a human being to discover how far my Father God is willing to go to save me. I learned in that season how vital it is to keep a very close-knit community of support around me at all times. We need each other, the accountability, the fellowship, the discipleship, and the unwavering unconditional support that truly mirrors our relationship with Christ.

It is a beautiful, necessary thing to know where our help and our strength comes from at all times.