Fully Known....

Search me, God, and know my heart; (Psalm 139:23 NIV)

I was impressed in my heart today by my devotional study-to know our God, and to be fully known by Him. I was asked to look back at the moment in the Garden after Adam and Eve sinned. They hid from God. When the time came, God searched for them, called out to them. But here is the line from my devotional that struck me: God didn’t ask what they had done, He wanted to know where they were?

I can recall a very difficult season in my life, sometime between my freshman and sophomore years of college. I was not happy and I was contemplating whether or not to even continue my studies, or perhaps transfer. I was paired with an Advisor who did little more than schedule my classes and took very little personal interest in me, and I was finding immense dissatisfaction with some of my courses and the professor I was matched with for my group vocal studies was over the top and very demanding. As a musician, I was disappointed to have to muddle through this experience of what was expected of me, and that I had to perform a certain way to please so many others to get where I needed to go with my degree plan, rather than having any opportunity to dive into the type of musician I truly was and that I was meant to be. All of this just intensified the feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and uncertainty about what I was meant to do with my life when I graduated. I had a lot of voices speaking to me in that season of what I could and should do, but I felt like nobody really took the time to ask me what I wanted to do or mentor me in a way that gave me opportunity to discover who I truly was. I didn’t know my own potential, because I felt like nobody had truly taken the time to encourage me and listen to me. I felt a lot of pressure to be somebody I was not. When you are young and impressionable, it seems all the adults know precisely what you need to do and don’t hesitate to tell you, right? It got to a point for me at times that it was just a lot of noise, and I just wanted to cover my ears and crawl into a hole. I didn’t have the confidence to speak up for myself and the struggle I was experiencing until much later when I connected with a therapist. I am thankful my parents encouraged me to find my way, and did not swoop in and rescue me from myself. They recognized my struggle and I know they worried, but I know they could see that I needed to work through some things with the help of someone other than them. They prayed for me constantly and had a host of friends praying for me, I know it. They recognized they could not force me to do anything and saw that I had to make that choice for myself. I could not have risen out of that difficult season if I hadn’t been allowed to experience so much of it for myself. I knew somehow God was there all along, but He did not rescue me from it. He saw the good on the other side of it, and He believed I was able to ride through it because of my support system and because He had made a way for me all along.

I can look back now and recognize His presence, even if it felt distant sometimes, but He was right there all along. He knew precisely what I was enduring, and yet, He allowed me to experience every single moment of that season so that I could release so much of what was between us. I cannot fully know my God if I have not cleared away what is building up around me because of my life circumstances. We do that to ourselves, allow what’s happened to us to shape us and define us, to determine our steps beyond today and into tomorrow. We cannot allow what was, to become a greater influence in our lives than what is. We have been transformed the day we accept Jesus Christ into a new creation-the old is gone, the new is here! We have a choice, at all times, to be fully known by our God. We must begin each day by reminding ourselves:

I am loved by God!

I have been given grace and mercy to make the best of every single day!

I am forgiven and free!

I have purpose and I have opportunity today to love others as God loves me!

I have several different things I say to myself daily, through my meditation, prayers and yoga, to fully seat myself in the presence of my God. Do you know how empowering that is?!

Consider today the necessity to purge that which threatens to come between you and God-release it and embrace His presence fully.

This is the moment we can discover what it is to be fully known.