Andrea O. Freeman

The waiting continues, it seems to become this sad, pitiful song of, "Nope, nothing new here. Still waiting." It is like being stuck in an elevator and the music doesn't end, the same sappy music plays on and on and on, never seems to end and it seems like we are not really going anywhere. I don't like the unknown, the uncertainties, the "Un-Fun". Yeah, I know it isn't a word but I am making it up anyway. I was reminded today in my quiet time of the purpose of prayer and how we should approach God in our conversations with Him. How do the words that come out of my mouth reflect the true intent of my prayers? Do they reflect trust and obedience, or are they "a demonstration of a lack of trust, a revealing of misunderstanding His sovereign nature and limitless ability"? Here is scripture I was given today to help jolt our focus back into place: Ephesians 3:20 "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,...

It has been a week, mercy, what a week. As we are walking through this "wilderness" we are overwhelmed daily by the pressure, the stress, the almost tangible weight of our situation. The day to day living expenses are difficult to meet when very little income is coming in. I am mentally and physically exhausted, and my spiritual state is, well, on the brink. I can think of many people in the Bible who were in much more difficult situations than we are, and yet I can identify with their words. At one point this week there was a day when I managed to contain my emotions for the duration of my work day and as soon as I was in the car and on my way home, I found myself broken. It was a wonder I didn't have to pull over, I was so upset. I didn't even turn on the radio, but instead as I drove home I began crying out to God. This isn't the first time, I find myself in this place quite often these past months. I suppose the difference in this moment was the depth...

I am having a day. Oh, I suppose a week. I am just not dealing with some stuff well and haven't been for days now. The job situation has not changed and today we found out the grocery Ryan's started at doesn't pay well, let's just say, enough. Neither does the other temp job he's had that he hasn't been getting hours for for weeks now, if he's lucky one shift out of four. Oh me. I am just weary, Lord, do You hear me? Do You get how stickin' tired we are of this?! Is it too much to ask for a ray of light? A sign? A hint of some kind that You do have something better? Why does this have to be so hard?! Can I get an amen, anybody?! Life is just plain difficult and God is good, but I am really frustrated and tired of waiting. How do we get through this? How will we ever get through this? I want it to end, I want it to change today, I want it to be better for Ryan, for me, for our children, I am so ready to move on so why, why, why can't i...

What does that mean, Lord? How am I supposed to process that? Why do I have to do this now? Really?! Where do I go from here? Some of many, many questions Ryan and I wrestle with day in and day out. Why Lord, are we at this point in time and for what purpose? This is the most striking question we are asking today. I shared in my last entry how we are back home in Brazil and feeling more unsettled than ever before. If we are truly living life as God intends, then we are to be unsettled. We are not to settle for life being okay, to be comfortable in what the world provides. I heard it today from a friend of ours at church, "Our employer is not the provider, God is the Provider of ALL things!" No matter how much is in our bank account at this moment, He is still on His throne and He is capable of providing and will provide everything we need. How easy it is for any one of us in times of great struggle to doubt that. I am reminded of this scripture: 2 Corinthians 4:7...

When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God. Deuteronomy 8:10-11 Unsettled. It is a great word to describe where we are today. We came home last night from a great visit with our families over the holiday weekend and as we approached home, Ryan would share with me later how the disappointment grew in him. The job situation for him has not improved, with the exception that he started at the local grocery store today which will provide more stability in terms of hours adn a paycheck. It won't be much, but it will be more consistent than what he's had in the last month or so. It is frustrating, and yet we are trying to focus on how God continue to provide. It may not be in ways we expected or wanted, but He does continue to provide and for that our hearts are full. We know this is not our home, it is temporary and that our focus should be on the eternal things. That...