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Showing posts from 2007

It's a Beautiful Day

I woke up this morning, still wanting a bit more sleep, not ready to put my feet on the floor and go. But, I got up, moving forward is a good thing. We had a great service today, it is good to see people come together in worship. I have had several days of just feeling very depressed, burdened, physically hurting from it. It is amazing what Satan thinks he can do to us when we are at our weakest. I have this weapon though, and he knows it. I know he is just crazy enough to think I will forget about it, not pick it up and use it, remembering who I am and whose I am. Man, God is good! As I am writing this I am in a better frame of mind and spirit. Today Ryan and I sat down and agreed in writing and in word to turn the corner. We have so much to be thankful for, we have so much we confessed and asked forgiveness for and we have a renewed sense of direction and purpose. We know what we need to do and we are taking the steps to do it. It is incredible what God has brought us th…

The pit of despair

I was driving home from work today, tears streaming down my face and asking God over and over again, "Why?" Between the move and waiting to get our internet set up I am just now back to my blog so I'll fill in the gap. We have moved to Brazil, Indiana, and Ryan has started his new job as worship minister at a local church. We are thankful to be here, but reality has set in. We have a hard road ahead of us. I started my job yesterday, nothing new to report there. I have worked in the retail industry for years, easy and busy work. Ryan and I are having some very intense discussions about our circumstances, how to handle it, where to go from here to get to where we would like to be. It is quite overwhelming, enough to send anyone into a pit of despair. What pushed me over the edge this week was the car. It died on the way to the shop and we have found ourselves facing yet another financial dilemma. It is going to cost a whole lot of money, money we do not have. …

Rollin', rollin', rollin'...

Okay, we are officially inside the final countdown to the move to Indiana. I can't believe how quickly things are moving right now. The church voted Ryan on staff last weekend and we are heading out next week. Whew!! We are excited, anxious, sad, overwhelmed, just in awe of God. This whole journey we have walked over the course of the past 14 months since Ryan's job loss has been like nothing we've experienced in life thus far. It is a lot to process, many different emotions, lessons learned. I am struck by how helpless we truly are to the waves life throws our way--but God is not helpless! He is teaching us day by day to trust Him completely, let go of what we think we have control of and acknowledge His power in our lives. How ridiculous it seems to me that at any point we think we can go, "Okay, Lord, you know I've got this under control, we are doing good and we'll let you know when we need your help." How selfish, arrogant and proud we are.…

Cozy, Rainy Sunday

It has been a good day to stay in, cuddle under a blanket and watch a good football game. Well, a good game...the Broncos could have had a great win today but no. They lost, and it wasn't pretty. It is a sad day in the Freeman family, and the Broncos seem to be having another dismal, just plain disappointing year. I thank my husband for getting my interest in football really going, although I had a good start growing up in a family that rooted for the Cowboys. Dallas is really doing well this year, I guess I can get excited about that...quietly! I hope I will always have someone rooting for me to do my best in life, with my work, my relationships, my hobbies, my passions and gifts. I am watching my three children evolve into such individuals. My daughter is struggling with being a pre-adolescent girl. I remember what it was like to be 10, wanting so much approval, to be accepted, loved and just beginning to figure out who I wanted to be. I see her struggle, and I ache to…

What day is it?

It is odd, but for some reason today has felt like a Saturday. It is the holiday that throws me off, don't know why. It was a quiet Thanksgiving for us, stayed home and did our own thing. Sometimes I really, really like that but other times I would love to be with extended family. I am feeling the effects of turkey, tired and a bit sluggish but somehow I'll bounce back into the swing of things. I need to whip myself back into shape, eat better and exercise consistently. I have been lazy, stressed...so easy fall into that little pit. That pit can become larger if I am not careful and aware of my need to pick up and step out of it. The reality is I am getting older and it isn't getting any easier to get myself into shape. I know I can do it, I have done it before and I can do it again. I wish it were easier, simpler, somehow programmable...what am I, a robot? God made us the way we are, able to make choices good or bad and learn to live with the consequences. I n…

A thankful heart

I was reading in 2 Corinthians 9 Paul's words to the Greek brothers of his pride in their willingness to give to those in Jerusalem. He reminds them to give wholeheartedly, not reluctantly or under pressure. The greatest result that can come from our generosity to others, is to see that generosity spill from their lives as well. We know everything we have comes from God, so out of that thankfulness we should be moved to give. When the mediocrity of life creeps in to our minds and hearts, we can lose touch with that thankful mindset we should have. Our greatest reminder of that mindset is Christ--verse 15 says, "Thank God for His Son--a gift too wonderful for words!" If our minds are set on Christ, we will carry that thankful mindset with us daily. I have a lot to be thankful for this year. I have a wonderful husband and three sweet children, family and friends who love me and have supported me through so much, and a God in heaven whose Son gave it all and suffere…

Fill me up

"There's a God-shaped hole in all of us, and the restless soul is searching. There's a God-shaped hole in all of us, and it's a void only He can fill." --Plum

If you haven't got this cd, get it and listen to this song. I love her stuff, so applicable and relevant to the stuff we go through in this life. Yesterday it came to me as I was driving home from Bible study. I have this hole in my soul that needs to be filled daily, and oh my goodness how easy it is to grab whatever is convenient at the moment to fill it. When the stress hits, my comfort is food. I am working at resisting that, because it is not good for my waistline or my health. When I make an effort, exercise can meet that need but more often I tend to give in to whatever warm, baked goodness is on my kitchen counter. I am struck by how much God must desire for me to choose to reach for him in those moments. I do, but my selfish flesh struggles and gives in to a more immediate relief at times. Why c…

Desperate times call for desperate measures

I have yet to get this blog thing down, consistent anyway. I wrote in journals for years, but recently decided to go with a blog instead. So Ryan got home from Indiana yesterday, we are making progress. This past year has been a difficult progression to this point in time. Ryan's job loss has been devastating for us on so many levels. I am so tired, emotionally, physically and spiritually. God somehow provided for Ryan and I to be a good balance for one another. When one of us is struggling, the other encourages, providing the love and support needed to climb out of the struggle. I have to admit there have been some very painful, ugly moments of desperation for both of us. I don't like to be beaten down, feeling like there is no way out of the rut we are in. There have been moments I have felt that way. There have been moments I wondered if our marriage would crumble from the weight of worry and stress we have carried. I admit I have felt at times my husband has fa…

Solid Ground

At some point I know there is a give....I must yield to His will. My human nature does not want to do that. There is a battle within, my nature versus the Spirit. In the midst of the battle I find myself opening my Bible for answers, for comfort and strength. So many times I don't know where to look, because there are so many truths in the Word that meet every one of my needs. Yesterday I found Psalm 40, familiar and such a great comfort at this particular point in time. This week has been long and a bit harder, partly because of the absence of my sweet hubby and also circumstances I have had to deal with without him by my side.

'I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me

and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the mud and the mire.

He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.'(Psalm 40:1-2)
He steadied me, somehow in the midst of this struggle to stay on the path he has laid before us we have found solid ground. That is faith, trust an…

It's a Beautiful Day!

I know that each day I wake up and choose to get up out of my bed, something good is going to happen. That is my outlook, I choose to have a positive frame of mind. I don't always feel like it, but I know in the long run my day will somehow go better because of it. Autumn has arrived in Tennessee, the leaves are changing and the temperature is cool and crisp. I love the feeling this time of year brings, the warmth, the yummy smells and the memorable sounds. As I begin this blog, Ryan and I are in the midst of a new phase of our lives. Over the course of the past year, we have experienced great challenge. Along the way, we are finding God has a reason for it all: we will be tested, we will be stretched to the limit, and He will allow it so that we can be stronger and more dependent upon Him. The familiar hymn, "Trust and Obey", has been a constant for me lately. I have been listening to it and singing it repeatedly in the car, a wonderful new arrangement of it b…