Setting my focus, Finding peace

-

 I have been going longer stretches this year without blogging, not sure why but I find it difficult to write more often than I have in years past.  I'm sad to admit my Mom's declining health, the slow grief of losing her more and more to alzheimers and trying to help my Dad manage through it all is a heavy burden. 

So to lighten that burden, I have found comfort in long drives of silence, taking time to listen more than I speak, the sound of the birds chirping and singing after a cool rain, the secadas humming away in the humidity of a summer day, the smell and taste of homemade salsa in my kitchen, the soft comfort of my favorite blanket as I nap on a Sunday afternoon.  Sometimes the little things in life are just what is needed to find peace.

We brought an amazing song in our worship set this weekend at our church, and I am still lingering on 2 lines in particular that resonated with me and this current season of life:

......Sickness is not my story, You are!

Heartbreak's not my home, You are!.....

(Fear is Not My Future, Maverick City Music)

We've done the song several times now as it is part of our current song rotation, but for some reason today those 2 lines stood out more than before.   I don't want my Mom's condition and my inability to fully cope with it to cloud my faith, my hope.  I don't think it has, but I will confess there are moments over these past couple of years that I have lost my focus to consuming feelings of grief, helplessness, and near despair.  I approach the edge of what I think is absolute despair and something pulls me from that edge just as I am peering over it.  It's my good Father, never far, always near and ready to comfort me in the absolute depth of it.  He brings me back to the realization of what I have to be thankful for in both the best and the worst of times.  I can't be shaken from the foundation I have in Him, it is always there when the fog of this difficult season clears briefly.   Hope, Peace, Strength, Love is mine in Christ, and He provides it to me without fail.  

Thanks be to God, who knows me and loves me and has me in His loving hands through every season of this life!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Joy and Light

-
 Early Tuesday morning January 2, 2024, I got a call that my Mom was slipping away and the family should come.  We knew she was not doing well these past couple of weeks as she had developed pneumonia and covid, and she was struggling just to manage breathing.   When I arrived, the nurse brought me in to Mom's bedside, and quietly stepped out to give me some time alone with her before my Dad and my brother arrived.   I cried like I have never cried before in my life, and went to my knees beside her, resting my hand on her arm.  I have no words to describe what it felt like in that moment, the finality and the reality of it.  My brain understood she was gone, no longer there.  But my heart, regardless of how far gone Mom had been for years now..... my heart was suddenly flooded with the feelings, the sounds, the memories of her across my entire life, rushing through my head in that moment all at once.  It felt like time kind of stopped, so I could have a moment to take it all in, co
Read more

Light in the darkness

-
Image
  'In this time of fear When prayer so often proves in vain Hope seems like the summer bird Too swiftly flown away Yet now I'm standing here My hearts so full, I can't explain Seeking faith and speaking words I never thought I'd say... There can be miracles When you believe Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill  Who knows what miracles you can achieve? When you believe, somehow you will You will when you believe' (When You Believe, songwriters: Kenneth Babyface Edmonds, Stephen Lawrence Schwartz/performed by Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston "The Prince of Egypt" soundtrack 1998) I've been reminiscent recently as we are preparing for Christmas, of things that are especially meaningful to me.  The sights, the sounds, the aromas, the feelings, my mind is full of so many. One of my favorite sights as a child, still a picture in my mind even now:  The Christmas tree aglow, and one of my favorite gifts was an antique baby carriage with a beautiful antique
Read more

Seasons come, Seasons go, Hallelujah and Amen

-
Image
 Give your burdens to the Lord and He will take care of you.  Psalm 55:22 I had the absolute joy recently of taking a trip with my Dad and my Brother to Santa Fe, New Mexico - it was perfectly timed and just what we all needed.  The weather was absolutely perfect as the leaves had changed to these beautiful hues of gold, green, red, orange, and the sky was clear blue, the landscape of the southwest was nearly indescribable.  The food was delicious and as we remembered fondly from years past:  red, green or Christmas - how to choose?  If you know, you know!  The feeling in this part of the country, the melting pot of so many diverse cultures come together in one place to celebrate and soak up the art/music/culture is something you can't describe in words but must experience in person to appreciate fully.  Despite the obvious vacant spot on that trip-Mom-it was something we all needed I think, my Dad especially.  Santa Fe is one step closer to heaven for him, well at least for anyone
Read more