'My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.' Psalm 73:26
It's my birthday month. I'm about to hit 51 with all I've got. And all I've got is not much, but God....
Years ago I met this amazing person. I wasn't expecting him to cross my path, but God had something in mind for me that I was not prepared for. I am thankful for God's absolutely perfect timing, how He knows so very well and so very precisely what I need. I was reminded in my quiet time tonight as I read those two words in the scripture 'but God', that no matter the depth of my inadequacy....He fills me. He is my rock, my strength, my source, my anchor, my portion, my all in all.
I still get the feeling now, not much different than I did 15-20 years ago....I'm not enough. 28 years married to my true Love, and I question it from time to time. My oldest child is approaching 26 this year, and my youngest will be 12....I still struggle with just feeling like I haven't done enough for all four of my amazing children. It's an immense burden and blessing to be a parent, and I hope and pray every single day that I am enough, that I am doing enough for them.
I wonder a lot these days, as I watch my Mom's slow decline due to this terrible disease called Alzheimer's/Dementia - how often did she have this same struggle. Mom and I were always close, late night talks before bedtime as I was growing up, and more intimate heart to heart conversations over the years as I became a wife and a mother myself. She didn't have any groundbreaking words of wisdom, but always spoke with such unconditional love and grace. Nothing was unspoken, we would talk about a little bit of everything. On the other side of these talks with my Mom, I remember always feeling safe and deeply loved. I felt content in a way that could only come from time with her. I hope and pray I am providing that for my children too in the time we have spent together in similar conversations. I know as I witnessed this example from my Mom over the years, it was a lasting impression not only of her, but of Father God in her. Even as I watch her fade away, I am more aware of the absolute joy she had in knowing and loving Him.
I know even in my weakest moments of this life, that Father God is indeed my strength and my portion, that He is enough and He is all that I need. I know deep down that my sense of belonging in this life will never be fulfilled by something this world can provide. I will not find it in my family, in my circle of friends, in my church, in my career, but always and only in my Father God who has saved me and loves me so. Thank you Father, for providing your love and grace abundant for me.
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