Let go and live cruciform

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I'm currently in the middle of a beautiful Lent devotional study "Waymaker: Finding the Way to the Life You've Always Dreamed Of" by Ann Voskamp.  She has become one of my favorite authors the last few years, among several that I cherish in my daily devotional times.  She speaks both in tone and context in a way that is incredibly comforting and clarifying, and entirely necessary as I am journeying forward in this life God has given me.  I shared at a recent women's breakfast event with our church about a piece of this devotional that has been speaking into my life, and today I was struck once again by the focus she is delivering to us through her writing.  Her writing inspires me also to write, to share out of the abundance God is pouring into my own journey along this treacherous and blessed pathway unfolding ahead of me day by day.  

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:34 NIV

This year I turned a corner into a new age bracket, 50.  As I step ahead following the loss of Ryan's Mom early January this year, continue to witness my Mom's progression deeper into the thieving disease we know as Alzheimer's/Dementia, and somehow try to keep all the plates spinning in my family's lives as we manage work/school/life schedules, I am more tired and honestly frustrated than ever before in my life.  I get fixated entirely too much on what I don't understand, impatient with people and the circumstances unfolding around me, and I honestly find myself throwing my hands up and saying 'whatever' under my breath entirely too much.  Life is beating me up, and more often than not I feel so nearly defeated.  I know I am not, I know that my God, the Way through this life, my Way, Truth, Life in the midst of all this absolute hurt, heartache, hell on earth........ He is ready with open arms to receive it and bear it all for me.  He is my Waymaker, He is my shepherd, He is my Savior through it all, and my response ought to be absolute surrender.  My heart's desire is to do just that, to trust Him and surrender.  I confess, I hold on tightly too much of the time because quite frankly - I just want to fix it and be done with it.  I want it to be set right.  I want it to be better.  

How do we relinquish then, and settle into this posture of cruciform?  It is the posture of complete surrender, arms stretched wide, releasing all that is heavy, overwhelming, hardened, the pressure, the weighed down expectations of this life..... all of it belongs in a pile at the foot of the Cross.  He's here, He's been here all along for us, ready to take it all and usher in its place the entirety of perfect peace and love that we all long for.  I cannot abide fully in His presence until I am willing to let go and live cruciform.   


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