Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. -Ephesians 3:20 NLT
The Christmas season is upon us and we are just one week away from the day we celebrate the coming of Christ to this world. God knew what He was doing when He planned this entire happening. Joseph and Mary had no idea this was coming, but through scripture we read how God prepared and informed them of His plan as the earthly caretakers for His Son Jesus. God provided an angel to both of them to tell them precisely what they needed to know, but I can only imagine how absolutely terrified they both must have been. This is a situation that in and of itself, its format if you will, plays out in one way or another in our own lives. Not exactly the same scenario, but a version of it in terms of its play by play. I can recall several situations that played out in my own life, but I was not prepared and I certainly was not 100% all in for it. That latter part was my response all too often to God, because I saw it going so much differently and of course my hopes were crushed at the realization that this was not going the way I had hoped it would. I can look back on those moments and see how immature and distorted my focus was in life at the time. I can see deep down, my focus wasn't entirely on what God wanted for me, but more so what I wanted for me. Human nature is in a constant battle with our spiritual nature to win our absolute focus. I can recall moments I was at my worst, absolutely furious with God and telling him with tight fists what I thought and how I thought it should have gone down. I can recall moments more recently in the last 12-18 months, where I have gone from furious to completely numb, recognizing in my state of exhaustion after praying and pleading, agonizing through countless conversations in my head, so many tears cried to the point there were no more tears left in me.....my Mom is never going to be the Mom I knew again. She is slipping away from me a little bit more as the days go by, and for some reason God is not delivering her from this horrible disease. I am learning as I navigate this with my Dad and my brother, as we do the best we can to make sure Mom is well care for, as we take the time we have left with her to make the best of every moment we have with her, there is literally nothing we can do but pray, lean on each other, and love her for as long as we have her here. There's no getting her back to the Nan we all knew before. We are blessed at best with a few minutes in about an hour long visit with her, to see a glimmer of the woman we all know and love in her eyes. What terrifies me more than ever now, is when that glimmer is gone and she is just a shell of the woman I have known and loved all my life. There's no undoing any of this for Mom, none of us can fix this for her, but we can be there for her through it. I refuse to be consumed by the reality of this disease my Mom is enduring, but instead I choose to focus on Christ in me. I choose to make the best of the time I have remaining on this earth, and to not be consumed by what angers and disappoints me in this life.
We are finding the traditions we once held to as a family at Christmas, are evolving just a bit as we experience it without Mom being part of it. We'll adjust our gatherings to something new, but the focus of the time we spend together will still be on what matters most. There is a momentary ache for all of us for the things we once did together with Mom, but there is a renewed sense of joy when we talk about the focus of Christ and what we know Mom would want for us if she could say so. I know that shift has occurred for many of you as we all continue to get through this pandemic together, recognizing our lives will never be the same because of loved ones lost. I hope as we approach Christmas Day, you will experience great joy this season knowing what has not changed: God's love for you! He is for you, He walks with you and He will strengthen you for what is yet ahead in the days to come. I am trusting Him for this, and I am praying you will choose to do the same.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours this season!
-Andrea
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