My Anchor, My Hope

As we are fast approaching the holidays, I intend for this to be my last blog entry for the year 2019. If I could look back on this year and sum up my attempted focus it would be this:

Be Still.....

My family is a busy one, schedules all over the place with a husband and our 2 olders in college, 2 youngers at home, and me trying to somehow keep the plates spinning. I am amazed as I witness Ryan's determination and intense effort to complete his bachelor's degree. It has been a long, hard, very interesting twisted road but you are doing it, my Love! I have found it necessary this year to take more time to be still, be quiet, be seated in restful and focused time with my Father God. I have scaled back from doing as much as I did in years past, and so I have spent more time reading, meditating, praying, and just being still. I am so tired. So incredibly tired and worn from this current season. I have asked God quite often this year, "Why does this have to happen right NOW?" I hear it said, "His timing is perfect!" and yet, I want to throw up my hands and shout at Him, "Really?! How is this perfect timing?!"

"Lord, I don't know how to help Ryan through this. I know how hard this is for him, how much work he is doing, and I see how stressed out he is. Help him push forward, Lord, help him to see it through!"

"God, why is my Mom struggling with this, this thing called Dementia? I can't take another moment of seeing it in her face....the disconnect. She is fading, disappearing from us a little bit more every day."

"Father, I am not up for it today. I don't think I have it in me to get out of this bed. How bad would it be if I stayed right here?"

I could go on and on, sharing some of the many thoughts, prayers, wanderings of my mind on a day to day basis. You can probably relate on some level to the struggle. These thoughts, prayers, wanderings of my mind threaten to overwhelm and consume me but the shift comes when I find His hand reaching for me to pull me back. He pulls me back to a focus on His hope, His peace beyond my own comprehension. His new mercies each and every day. His promise to take care of me today, and loving reminder to let go of my worries for what lay ahead and just trust Him. Why? Because, He is God. How? I have no idea honestly, except for Christ in me. There is no human explanation, it is supernatural really. I started an online study recently about this intentional shift and focus on living a life of thanksgiving and joy. Regardless of what I have experienced, the choice is mine at all times to begin with a focus on what God has given. Not material things, not things that are measured by the world's standards as fulfilling. Nothing compares to the love of our God, to His higher and greater purpose. Joy is found when we begin by thanking Him not for what we expect or want, but for what He did for us thousands of years ago.

This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls... (Hebrews 6:19 NLT)

I know I have this hope deep in my soul, because it has kept me from losing it completely on many days. I am thankful to my family, and to my dear friends, the grace and accountability they have extended to me especially in some of my worst moments. This is God's perfect provision, perfectly timed for me. The circle and the cycle of thanksgiving to joy continues.

In the still moments, in the chaotic moments, in the blissful moments, I am thankful for the Hand that holds me fast throughout. The God who anchors me.