Row, Row, Row .......
“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”-Andrew Gide
2011 was quite a year for our tribe. We entered into a season of heightened uncertainty, while welcoming our newest member of the family, Chloe Grace. I remember the day we brought her home. My folks made the trip to be with us but only stayed until the day we took Chloe home. I remember getting into the car at the hospital and feeling this ache for my Mom and Dad to stay and help me through this. Because it wasn’t just adjusting to having our fourth baby, it was having to face the ‘Grand Canyon’ size unknown our lives had become just a couple months prior. I felt more vulnerable and helpless at that moment in my life than I had in a very long time. I can look back and still feel what I felt as we drove home that day, tears streaming down my face as I watched Chloe sleep snuggled up safely in her car seat. I remember Ryan glancing back at me in the rearview mirror, asking me after we had driven in quiet for about 10 minutes, “What are you thinking about?” and I managed to pause just long enough from gulping down my tears to say, “How much I want for her…” But that didn’t sound quite right somehow, because the depth of what I was feeling at that moment couldn’t be captured in a couple of sentences. Because it wasn’t just what I was thinking about, hoping for, praying for, begging God for, for my family. I remember feeling like this was a powerfully pivotal moment in my life. I had no doubt God was in it, somehow, I never doubted His hand throughout that season. But, as we lived out the days that followed, I realized more than ever before the resolute determination seated deeply within me to never give up and to ensure my family knew we were not giving up. God had a plan all along, and the details of that plan collided that year in a way that made absolutely no sense whatsoever to my human understanding. I knew what I could see with my own eyes did not match up with what I believed my God was able to do for us.
It's now 2019, our Chloe is turning 8 years old this week, and the road we have traveled since her arrival into this world has been an uphill climb, with some joys and sorrows along the way. Ryan is working his way through, navigating the balance of school/work/ministry while leading and loving our family with everything he’s got. I am thankful for how our God has done a new work in him, and how our family has come together and courageously walked out this season as one. I had this vision today as I was finishing my quiet time, and came upon this quote about life change. Our family is in this boat on the ocean, shore long behind us, the land ahead is in sight, but it’s still a long ways off. So as we consider the map and the best course to take, we pray, we gather our wits, consider the knowns of our journey thus far and trust God with the unknowns still ahead. We grasp the oars, and begin the work of rowing on toward the distant shore, together. I know every moment we have experienced has been worth it, even though there are some I still question quite strongly in my conversations with God. I see how far we have come, I see how much my children are maturing and progressing through it, I am amazed by the goodness and the greatness of our God AND our choice to be obedient with what He has revealed to us is His good and perfect will-and I cannot imagine better. As we row on, I am confident that God will continue to give us the determination and the courage we need. He is a good a faithful Father. He never lets us down and He never lets us go. My hope is in Him.
Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. (Psalm 62:5 NLT)
