Knowing versus not knowing?

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It is a life long battle. It rages in my mind, day after day, often moment to moment. Some of you can relate to this struggle. I know I am a bit of a control freak, okay, I just am. I like knowing what is going on for the days and months ahead well in advance. I like a schedule, knowing what to expect, what I would like to accomplish and all will be right with the world when it goes according to plan. I embrace organization, and when the things on my list are accomplished I feel a sense of peace and I have the ability to relax more. When something goes wrong, something is not right, something is out of whack or out of order....oh my goodness. I can be a bit dramatic, and it can get a little overwhelming for me. I have been told I handle stress well, I don't show anxiety, fear, or worry. Well, I've got news for you--I hide it well. Those closest to me know just how well I handle stress. It makes me angry, I tend to vent to whomever is in my path at the moment, and it can bring to the point of the "ugly" cry. You know what I am talking about. The kind of cry that makes your eyes puffy to the point you cannot see, your nose is running all over the place, hair sticking to the back of your neck and to your face, gasping for air. It ain't pretty, but it is the real me. I don't do this often, but some would say it is because of that I should do it more often. I am finding as I grow older and life's curve balls are coming at me harder and faster, it is getting more and more difficult to deal with it. So, as I am studying with my wonderful, amazing women's Bible study group at church, we are finding out just how vital it is to trust God completely with our lives. It is a direct reflection of my faith. How much do I trust Him with my life? Most of the time, I find myself saying, "God, I am just not quite ready to let that go, so can I just do this one thing and then give it to you?" How many times will I question His ability to take care of me best? Too many already in my life. So, I am finding in the two weeks we have been doing this particular study, I have a lot to let go of. I have held on to the things of this life, the blessings He has provided to me way too tightly. Instead, I need to let it all go and trust Him with it, and entrust those blessings right back to the Father's hands. After all, He is THE Provider. Everything I can experience physically in this world is temporary, and it will all pass away. He is eternal, He has promised something far beyond what my small human mind can even begin to imagine. So here it is...
Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
Good, good truth right there. It is truth I need to chew on daily to digest. My faith will not remain the same, it will change. My hope and my goal is for that faith to be challenged, stretched, molded into what He needs it to be so that I can be all He desires for me to be.

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