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At some point I realize this blog thing should be a habit for me, but it has just become another thing for me to check off of my 'to do list'. Working full time in addition to being a mother of three, wife, homemaker, etc., all makes for a rather impossible schedule for me. I don't know how I get anything accomplished. It has always been a day to day thing for me. All is right in my little world if I can just check off what I intended to accomplish for the day. If I don't get it all done, it very naturally spills over to the next day's list. As I age, I hope I am becoming a bit more relaxed although I have the feeling Ryan would protest. I am quite certain he would have a good laugh at that too. Anyway, I cannot believe my grandmother is gone. She passed just two weeks ago today. It doesn't seem real to me. It feels as if I need to call her, check on her, just let her know I love her and I am thinking about her. My heart aches to think about her most times, and I am having a lot of weepy moments. I just miss her sweet presence, the sound of her voice, her encouraging and loving words, the sparkle in her eyes, her infectious laugh, I could go on and on. I just miss her and a lot of the time I feel so cheated to not have more time with her as I'd hoped. I am sure my Dad feels the same, although I think he has dealt with some anger too. I think I'd be angry with God at first too, for just not letting her live a little longer. How selfish is that of us? After all, He knows best especially since He's the one who created us. Loneliness makes us more selfish than we realize we truly are. Somehow at the end of the day, after I have had my human moment, had a chance to purge my heart and mind, I think God just sweeps over me with His perfect peace. Thanks Lord! It's cool how He does that.

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