Sometimes in life we stumble upon writing that shines a light on what’s been in progress in us for a long time. If you hope to be married one day, or maybe you are engaged, already married, in the midst of a separation, divorced, newly married again, or single and wondering if it is ever going to happen or perhaps considering never getting married at all - this is a worthwhile read. There was a time in my life when I felt very strongly marriage should be considered a partnership, an equal between two people. I can recall moments in my marriage when I believed we had hit a bump in the road and our commitment to each other and what we brought to this partnership was in need of serious scrutiny. I remember making a list at one point in my mind, and on paper too, of all the things I took care of and all the things he took care of. My mind raced with comparisons, weighing what I thought was fair or not fair, right or wrong. I didn’t understand why he didn’t meet me where I thought he should. I didn’t like that it didn’t equal up to what I had thought it should, what I thought we agreed upon when we started this.
This point in the article hit me and impressed me to write today:
In a partnership, there’s give and take. In a marriage, there is only give.
Consider what the scriptures tell us: And though one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12 AMP)
When God is in it, and you are 100% committed to someone other than yourself, then your marriage will grow, thrive, endure. When your focus starts to lessen toward the one you’ve committed to for any reason or you find yourself questioning that God is even in it, I challenge you right now to stop your mouth from flapping and get on your knees and ask God to break your heart. If you can’t shine the light on yourself first, ask God to examine your heart for anything less than what you committed to your spouse the day you spoke your vows……then find your way there. That’s precisely where you need to be. There is nothing selfish about love. It is in its truest form completely and absolutely selfless.
When Ryan and I were at what I thought was our worst, I remember feeling so incredibly helpless. I remember thinking I don’t know how we are going to get through this. And I sure as hell don’t know if it’s even worth it. It would be so easy to give up and go on by myself. I could do it if I had to. I went into absolute and complete “I am Woman Hear Me Roar!” mode, and I was in no way going to let this stupid sucky season in my life take me down!
But, after the edge of my insanity moment faded, and I could stop the pounding of my heart, the gasping ugly tears subsided, and I could simply breathe again, I was reminded by my great big loving and abundantly good God:
What am I so deserving of that he is not?
I have been reminded time and time again, through some terrible seasons and some of the most beautiful seasons in my marriage, that I don’t NEED him. But I LOVE him. And what we have together is deserving of what I can GIVE and GIVE SOME MORE, and not dependent upon what I am willing to do as my part. My marriage is NOT a partnership. It is a UNION of two lives into something far greater than either one of us. It is a GIFT from God and something I am willing to fight to the death for and beyond!
I love you, Ryan, and I am so thankful that we have chosen to fight the greatest fight I’ve known in my life. I am thankful God gave me you.