Simply rest, Simply ready....

What if….? Why…? How…? Lord, I just don’t understand. Help me to understand!

I was thinking today about what my approach to the Cross of Christ will be this Easter. Easter aside, I ponder this daily. Not as often as I should, because there are days like today when I wake up fully intending to focus on Christ and His purpose for my life as soon as my feet stumble across the floor. I have been burdened, restless about something for weeks now and I believe God is moving, stirring in my heart and my life. It is new, and it is only a whisper from Him. It is a stirring that I have experienced in my heart and soul before, in my early days of summer missions in Missouri and Hawaii, mission trips to Salt Lake City, Utah, to Barbados, and innumerable outreach events with our churches over the years. I want to be His light in the lives of those around me who need help so desperately. I don’t want to become so focused on what is on my to-do list for the day, the week and the year ahead that I realize one day I have missed out somehow. I want to stand before my Father God and be able to smile at Him and say, “Lord, I heard You call and followed Your purpose for my life. I hope I did all that You call me to do!” I know I will not feel worthy or fulfilled except for the immediate love and grace He provides. I don’t want to miss it, what He may have for me to do this very day! So, the question stands—what is it You would have me to do Lord? Like I said, it has come to me only in a whisper, and a depth in my soul, a yearning to simply pray. I don’t know what else to do in my prayers, except say, “Lord, I am here!” This has been my prayer for weeks. I struggle with wondering what is coming. I struggle with the questions I stated at the beginning of this blog entry. I can’t even finish those questions, and I don’t understand this restlessness. This is only the beginning. What I do know for sure is He wants me to rest in Him, rest in not knowing, and allow myself to be broken, open to listen and obey. I could complicate this by driving myself crazy with questions, assumptions, focusing on the frustration of not knowing beyond His whisper to me to rest in Him, listen, obey. And I believe He is teaching me to be content in the act of rest, the act of hearing and acknowledging His call to me to simply be still, be ready, be content in this moment with Him. I have been reading and studying Hebrew 4:12-13 (MSG), the necessity for me to be ready, to be fully in His rest.

God means what he says. What he says goes. His powerful Word is sharp as a surgeon’s scalpel, cutting through everything, whether doubt or defense, laying us open to listen and obey. Nothing and no one is impervious to God’s Word. We can’t get away from it—no matter what.

I can’t and shouldn’t get away from it. His call to me to rest, hear His whisper, praise Him even in the midst of my uncertainty, knowing full well He will guide me as His perfect purpose for me unfolds. This is a new chapter in my life, new challenges we are facing this season and I believe more than ever it is in preparation for our next steps in ministry. What does that look like for us in 3 years, 5 years, 10 years? I don’t know, but God does. Today He is calling me to rest, so I will do that and focus on the ministry He has for me to carry out today. I want to be ready at all times, I want to be unearthed, uprooted, unsettled because it is then that I find my passions are heightened, my giftings are ripe for use, and I will not be caught off guard or left in the dust wondering what I missed.

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