There is something to be said for letting something or a few something's go for the sake of getting re-focused, centered, and finding an all encompassing wholeness and healing in the mind, body and soul. A couple weeks ago I hit a low point, some things I can't share in specific detail because it is too raw, too personal and I am likely to do more harm than good to put it into words at this point and time. There will come a day when I can verbalize it, and do it in a way that reflects how far I've come, lessons learned, healing well underway. I am choosing to dive deeply into a meditative state, lose the distractions of this life that may hinder my ability to find peace and wellness in my being. I want to be in a better place mentally, spiritually, physically and I have put so much of what I need to deal with internally for the sake of getting so much handled, taken care of externally. I have found for a long time now that there is comfort in avoiding losing it by launching myself fully into work, or just the busyiness of life. There is to a degree comfort in the non stop chaos that is life for me and so many of you. I am finding the result of that is my time with God is not as deep and fulfilling as it should be. I spend time with him, but not as much as I need to, and I know I need it because the hurt and heartaches of life are starting to get in the way of the peace that He gives when we are all out surrendered to Him. The stresses and disapponitments of life and the pressures of keeping so many people "happy" have caused me to become somewhat bitter, more angry than I've ever been, and certainly very cynical. I am starting to feel it physically with more headaches, more aches and pains than I've had in my entire life. It has manifested itself in me both mentally and physically. I have known how to deal with all of this from a very early age, because I know God is by my side, ready to help and heal me, loving me unconditionally, providing all I need. I am finding there are wounds in my heart and soul too deep to overcome in a short amount of time. I am choosing to immerse myself in a state of meditation and in my searching today I found some great comforts.

I listened today to Christy Nockels "You Revive Me", and oh, it was just what I needed to hear. I also found precious reminders in the Word:

Phillipians 4:13 The peace of God...guards our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus

I know I have so much to learn yet, so much to understand, so for this moment I will choose to linger and love His presence. I will choose to let some things go for the sake of healing that must take place in my mind, my heart, my soul.
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