I dreamed a dream....

Thanksgiving brought me many moments to stop and weigh the depth of my life to this point. I am so incredibly blessed to have my husband Ryan and four amazing children Rylee, Bailey, AJ and Chloe--God is so GOOD! Now to get down to the nitty gritty of where my heart is at this point in my life. I am aware of and amazed by every experience God has given me in my life in the form of "work". From a very young age, all I ever wanted was to be like my Mom. To be the best wife and mother I could be someday, get married, and have a bunch of kids and live happily ever after. Isn't that what nearly every girl wants? Well, in some ways I got that, and in others, I have yet to experience "my dream". Dreams take on many forms as we age, as we see what we have to accomplish, tackle in life to get to it and make it happen. Life has handed us more than I would have chosen to deal with, and the path I'd hoped to take has gone in some directions I wouldn't have chosen willingly. Hard work is not fun, but it is necessary to make it in this world. Along my journey, I have had to take on some things while internally kicking and screaming the whole way. Truth is it would have been a whole lot easier for me to run the other way, simply hide, give up, refuse to do what was necessary because I didn't want to do it, or I didn't have anything left in me to do it. As we came out of our experience in Indiana this year, and as I have looked at my life and what I want to do to find true peace with myself, what I believe God intends for me to do, I can only find myself in one state. A state of discontent. I am not happy with where I am at this present time. What does that mean? I am considering with a great deal of prayer, thought, research and counsel from family and friends an avenue I intended to pursue out of college. My heart is to be with my family. I am tired of the demand that has been placed upon my life due to my job, and I am seeking to better myself by choosing an alternate route. That alternate route is actually the route I had always intended to go but never really did. I am not sure why, I don't know that there was one particular thing that stopped it, but I know now that I am ready to pick up where I left off. My background is in child and family development, and it was my intention all along to offer childcare in my home. I am eager to start preparing for this new adventure, and I am taking it one prayer at a time, one day at a time. I know as I walk down this path, God will provide the answers I need. I have high expectations of what God is going to speak into my heart over the course of the weeks and months ahead as I begin to pursue this new avenue of opportunity. I want to end this entry the way it began, with thanksgiving, with nothing but a grateful heart, reflecting on what God has provided so far and looking forward to what He has for me in the days ahead. I appreciate your prayers, for wisdom, for clarity of mind and heart, and to wait patiently and with great expectation for what God is about to do in my life. I know and believe only better things are to come! I was reminded today in a devotional about timing. God's timing is perfect, and when life beats us down to the point we can't see a way to take that leap of faith and go in a direction we'd always hoped and dreamed for, we are missing out on everything He truly designed us to be. Here's a taste of what it said:

'Today might not be the perfect time to "plant your seeds" — but when will it ever be? Resources and opportunity will always seem scarce — and motivation will come and go. Nevertheless, we can't allow procrastination to hold us back. We have to remain productive no matter how we feel, no matter what obstacles come our way, and no matter how hectic life gets.
...there will never be a "perfect" time to do the things we envision.'

Ecclesiastes 11:4 cautions: "Those who wait for perfect weather will never plant seeds; those who look at every cloud will never harvest crops" (New Century Version).
(calledmagazine.com, "The Perfect Time")

Inspiration I needed and have taken to heart today. I hope you are encouraged and inspired!

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