God, what is it?!
For every struggle we face, we know there is a mighty lesson to be learned. Well, in these days we are learning something. Trust, Trust, Trust. God is in control, and so why is it so hard to trust Him? He knew long before any of this happened to us, that it was going to come about. I have been thinking about some people in my life, and some other people in the Bible, how they were handed something rather unexpected in life and they how they dealt with it. I've got two words for you as to how I am feeling at this point about the whole situation: It sucks! I have no desire to live one more moment of this wondering, waiting, when is it going to get better?! I shared in my Bible study group the other night that I have dealt with this thing in one way or another, but at no point have I felt hopeless, only incredibly helpless. These last few weeks it has become particularly tangible, this weight of helplessnesss as we face our day to day costs, and figure out how we are going to make rent. Ryan has all but kicked down doors to get a better job, sending out his resume, making phone calls, applying online, anything and everything he can do to find a better job. For reasons only fully understood by the good Lord Himself, our situation is not improving significantly. We are thankful for one ray of hope in that Ryan starts a new job the 24th at a local manufacturing company which will pay better and guarantee more hours. That will be a help, but it will not make a significant impact for us financially for some time. In the mean time, we are cutting every cost we can, letting go of some "luxuries" that up until now have been common things to most people. We are being as resourceful as we can, utilizing community resources in the way of assistance if we qualify, and ultimately letting go of what material possessions we have to help improve our cash flow. I have to consciously stop myself many times today and speak to my own mind and heart, "God is not punishing us, He is teaching us." It would seem at this point on the journey that God intends for us to literally give up anything and everything to keep our obedience, our trust and our willingness to completely follow Him in check. At least at this point I can't think of any other reason He would allow it to get as difficult as it has. I read in Job today as God answered him, and whoa....it kind of knocked me on my back side and reminded me just how mighty, how powerful God is. I think it is safe to say we need to stop questioning, "Why me, Lord?" and instead, the question should be, "Why not?" I have nothing more to cling to at this point except the love God has for me, for my family and that even in my deepest, darkest moments, He still has a purpose. Even now. He has a plan.