A home....

I am astounded how long it has been since my last blog entry. Yikes. The crazy busy side of life has taken me far, far away and it is just sad it has kept me away this long. Blogging is a necessary outlet for me to vent, to unload, to release what is pent up inside me.
First, I am so ready to be done with this house. Don't get me wrong--I am thankful we have a home, a warm bed, food on our table, and the comforts of life. But....I am so ready to find our true home. This has depth in its meaning on so many levels. I am finding as we have journeyed to this point, after Ryan's multiple job losses, losing the house in Tennessee, our marriage being shaken, our faith being tested, our lives being turned upside down as we waited upon God's perfect timing....it was a very unsettling time we went through. There are days I still question how we made it through and what purpose God had for allowing it to happen. That is a rare moment though, because more often I am at peace with it all. Really. I can say now we are stronger, better because of it ALL. Looking back, it has taught us how to trust God completely, and live with joy and thanksgiving no matter what. I am ready for us to find a home that we can truly love, and be thankful for. A home that provides what we need, nothing more. I am amazed everyday how caught up we were in the pressure of having a certain type of house, certain type of lifestyle, blah, blah, blah. Even in the Christian realm, that pressure is there and I am sorry to say we had more people around us telling us to move forward than those who were saying to wait, be patient, take our time. We gave in, we bit off more than we could chew and we learned some very painful, difficult lessons because of it. We have learned how important it is to live with little, and give a whole lot more. I want this to be the biggest impression my children ever have out of life: learn to appreciate what you do have and give back a whole lot more. I always want them to appreciate our toughest, leanest years so that they are that much more thankful as God blesses them abundantly throughout the remainder of their lives. I want to receive His abundant blessings, but I do not expect it. I think our level of comfort and status in life can jade us, desensitize us and make us very arrogant if we allow it. I don't want to be in that position EVER. I hope and pray I will carry a heart full of humble thanksgiving always and that it will make an impression on someone else. I also want a home that God will use to minister to people. I want us to have a place of fellowship, encouragement, and accountability to anyone who crosses our path in life. I think we are already doing that in our current home, but I pray that as we seek our next home.
The other side of this is I hope and pray my home in heaven is a blessed reflection of Christ. I hope what I do and say on this earth will be good and pleasing to God, and that I can hear Him say to me that I've done good, that I have been His faithful servant. I will not be boastful and I will not be confident in the things of this world, but I will boast and have confidence in this: Jesus Christ. He is the way, the truth and the life and I know nothing in this life matters if I ever lose sight of that. I hope and pray that my home on earth and the home He has for me in heaven will be similar in that there will be the sweet aroma of His presence, His unmistakable love and mercy. God is really good. I know there is so much I do not yet understand, but I know one day standing before Him I'll not have any worries. I'll look forward to having nothing to do but praise Him without ceasing, being in His presence! Wow, what a day that will be. Until then, I hope others will see that devotion and passion reflected in my life. I want others to see in me that my heart truly is at home in Christ.
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