Not there yet...

Okay I made the huge mistake of stepping on the scales this morning. Yikes! Is that really how much I weigh?! Uggh, this is not getting any easier for me. How is it that it goes in so quickly yet it comes off so slowly? I hate that. The older I get I am finding a lot of things are harder to deal with. I can't seem to get the weight off as easily as I did just a few years ago. I can't seem to get enough moisturizer on my skin, the hair on my head is turing grey, and I have these new wirey, dark hairs appearing randomly around my chin and along my jawline, and I am feeling more lumpy and saggy than I ever have in my life. Time is marching on and my body is showing the wear and tear. So, like most women my age I do all I can to fix it--moisturize, pluck, color my hair and if I am lucky get in my work out several days a week and attempt to stick with a sensible eating plan. All this while taking care of my husband, three children, working full time and contributing to my church family and my community. Somewhere, somehow I find time to relax and play, unwind and enjoy life with my family and friends. I am tired after typing just those couple of sentences. I am proud to say I haven't got it down yet, I haven't done all I need to do and I haven't accomplished nearly as much as I would have like to by this point in my life. For some reason Phillipians 4:13 has kept coming to my mind over the past few weeks. I know I can do it, because Christ gives me the strength I need. But more than that, I know He can do a good work in me and through me--Philippians 1:6. Philippians has a lot to say to me right now and I know God has something to do with that. I find as each day passes and I creep a little closer to 40, I am more thankful for each moment that passes and I don't want to lose sight of the blessings God has provided to me. I see too many women around me running around like chickens with their heads cut off, and I don't want that to be me. I am thankful for the time I have at the end of the day to sit down and help Bailey with his homework, to go to the park and push AJ in the swing, to listen to my daughter pour out her heart about what she is struggling with as a pre-teen. I am thankful for having dinner as a family and sharing our day with each other rather than rushing off to a sports practice or class and barely saying a hand full of meaningful words to one another. I am thankful for a marriage that has withstood the tests of this life so far and how God continues to grow the love Ryan and I have for one another. I hope as I continue to live my life, regardless of what the scales say, I will be a reflection of God's goodness and love for me. I want others to know that and have that too, so I hope they see that in me. God is good, all the time...even when I feel the weight of time bearing down on me. This is a good life, and He is not done with me yet.

Time in between....

I sang this wonderful song in worship today by Francesca Battistelli "The Time In Between" and it was a testimony for me personally. God has been working on me for awhile about some things in my life. Perspective. For several years now I have been getting a whole new perspective on life. Pain, loss, fear, doubt, anger, inadequacy, loneliness, weakness, helplessness...I have bathed in and out of these feelings for some time. At some point over the past year, I have regained my balance, the peace I have needed for so long. It comes as no surprise to me looking back now that the miscarriage has helped me come almost full circle. I say almost because I believe I won't come full circle until I am standing before the Father. I still believe He is working on me, and I have to continue in the circle until He is completely finished with me. There are more bad days than good, but the difference is how I face them. I have found peace and strength in how I begin my day. My first moments are His, and nobody or nothing will have my attention before Him. It has made the difference in each day of my life for over a year now, I have found this consistency to be a comfort in my daily life. Without Him and without taking this time out to focus first on Him I believe I would unravel and spiral downward very quickly. There was a time when I found more comfort in the blessings God provided me rather than the One who blessed me. It is a comfortable place I believe we all can land in very purposefully, because we find a rhythm in life, things are moving along at a normal pace and going well. But the moment something unexpected occurs, we can be thrown off of the comfort zone so easily because we've become so content and independent of what God wants from us. What does God want? I believe He calls each of us to a unique purpose He has defined just for me and just for you. Nobody's path is the same, but we all serve the same God. I want to live each day completely abandoning the things of this life and embracing His passion and purpose wholeheartedly. I don't know why it has taken me this long to get it, but I do. Paul challenges us in Phillipians to press toward the goal, verse 12 "not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Phillipians 3:12-14)
I know He has a work to do in me, and that has continued to shape me in my life decisions daily and looking ahead. I am finding a I get older that I have so much to be thankful for and yet I feel like I have not been as thankful as I need to be. God has blessed me with so much, and I have found what He has given me to be even more precious as events have unfolded in our community and in our world. I don't want to just look forward to the plans we have ahead, but also to pause and be thankful for what is happening to me right this moment. This day, this very moment could be my last on this earth so I do not want it to pass without stopping to thank the Father for Who is He and What He has done for me. I want my life to be a reflection of thanksgiving and joy, a testimony at all times of what a good God we serve. Thanks Lord, for every moment because I know that each one has shaped my life into what You intend for it to be.

my Ebenezer...

“…Thus far the Lord has helped us.”-1 Samuel 7:12 There are moments in my life when I look back and can see how God in His perfect yet my...