tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18754230620275858942024-02-21T17:53:42.257-06:00Andrea O. FreemanThere is life to be lived,
love to be shared,
grace to be given,
hope to be found…….
The journey has only
just begun!
Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.comBlogger396125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-38480774688946713562024-01-05T23:45:00.001-06:002024-01-05T23:45:47.635-06:00Joy and Light<p> Early Tuesday morning January 2, 2024, I got a call that my Mom was slipping away and the family should come. We knew she was not doing well these past couple of weeks as she had developed pneumonia and covid, and she was struggling just to manage breathing. When I arrived, the nurse brought me in to Mom's bedside, and quietly stepped out to give me some time alone with her before my Dad and my brother arrived. I cried like I have never cried before in my life, and went to my knees beside her, resting my hand on her arm. I have no words to describe what it felt like in that moment, the finality and the reality of it. My brain understood she was gone, no longer there. But my heart, regardless of how far gone Mom had been for years now..... my heart was suddenly flooded with the feelings, the sounds, the memories of her across my entire life, rushing through my head in that moment all at once. It felt like time kind of stopped, so I could have a moment to take it all in, consider what I had gained and lost in my life because of her. And almost as swiftly as the sorrow hit me, a peace that cannot be explained washed over me. I knew she was no longer here, she was with God. She was free. She was at rest. She was fully healed and whole, no longer broken by disease and the burden of her weary body. My Mom was finally with our Father God, the One she knew and loved and held fast to all her life. </p><p>As my Dad and my brother arrived, you can't imagine the love and sorrow intermingled in the room as we embraced each other. Precious time for the three of us to hold each other up, to stand in that moment of simultaneous sorrow and joy, expressing our love for her, what she meant to all of us and the life she lived so beautifully. It was a time I will not soon forget and will cherish for all of my life. </p><p>There's no way for me to sum up in a single blog post, or a hundred blog posts, just how wonderful my Mom was. She was such an amazing woman of faith, daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother, and she loved the life God called her to beside my Dad in full time ministry for so many years. I have been told over the years that I am so much like her, and I consider that the ultimate compliment. She was my mentor, my counselor, my confidant, my greatest support throughout my life and I can't imagine a moment without her.</p><p>When I think about my Mom, the two words that come to mind that represent her best are joy and light. She truly brought both into every room she entered. She loved life, she loved her family, she loved the Lord and she loved serving others with a full heart. I know she was absolutely bursting with joy and light when she entered the presence of our Father God. I know and believe I will see her again one day, but until then I will make the best of my time remaining in this life to honor her with a life that reflects her example all the more. </p><p>I love you Mom, I miss you terribly, but I know I will see you again one day when we all get together in that beautiful, heavenly place.</p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-48028434777258667732023-12-12T13:43:00.002-06:002023-12-12T13:57:31.390-06:00Light in the darkness<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf3Frqbu0dPkKhadAy306pBZjrQPi8NIL9HZmFeqdNjPAUzFVY78rZDZnSi4sqGd3diT3PseOvh5NWjKuXu_jVbh_bJeecOYoKxsD8AN6K5BOqG2c7JN5tl5xSckoDEjewk3GiXqr4xGIpntww3jFKNXQI9I6_IP2uIw4z_RLW1O6HN6vRsNcSmAt8/s441/small%20light.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="293" data-original-width="441" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf3Frqbu0dPkKhadAy306pBZjrQPi8NIL9HZmFeqdNjPAUzFVY78rZDZnSi4sqGd3diT3PseOvh5NWjKuXu_jVbh_bJeecOYoKxsD8AN6K5BOqG2c7JN5tl5xSckoDEjewk3GiXqr4xGIpntww3jFKNXQI9I6_IP2uIw4z_RLW1O6HN6vRsNcSmAt8/s320/small%20light.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white;">'In this time of fear<br /></span><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white;">When prayer so often proves in vain<br /></span><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white;">Hope seems like the summer bird<br /></span><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white;">Too swiftly flown away<br /></span><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white;">Yet now I'm standing here<br /></span><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white;">My hearts so full, I can't explain<br /></span><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white;">Seeking faith and speaking words<br /></span><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white;">I never thought I'd say...</span></div><p><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white;">There can be miracles</span><br aria-hidden="true" style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif;" /><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white;">When you believe</span><br aria-hidden="true" style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif;" /><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white;">Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill </span><br aria-hidden="true" style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif;" /><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white;">Who knows what miracles you can achieve?</span><br aria-hidden="true" style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif;" /><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white;">When you believe, somehow you will</span><br aria-hidden="true" style="background-color: white; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif;" /><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white;">You will when you believe'</span></p><p><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white;"><i>(When You Believe, songwriters: Kenneth Babyface Edmonds, Stephen Lawrence Schwartz/performed by Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston "The Prince of Egypt" soundtrack 1998)</i></span></p><p><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif"><span style="background-color: white;">I've been reminiscent recently as we are preparing for Christmas, of things that are especially meaningful to me. The sights, the sounds, the aromas, the feelings, my mind is full of so many.</span></span></p><p><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif"><span style="background-color: white;">One of my favorite sights as a child, still a picture in my mind even now: The Christmas tree aglow, and one of my favorite gifts was an antique baby carriage with a beautiful antique baby doll tucked inside. It was a delight to discover that Christmas morning near the Christmas tree. </span></span></p><p><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif"><span style="background-color: white;">My Mom was quite the cook and hostess, and every year she would busy herself in the kitchen preparing a wonderful variety of Christmas goodies to enjoy in our home and with our church family. My parents would host a Christmas open house in our home every year and we'd enjoy inviting our church family and friends into our home to enjoy delicious food and fellowship together. Top favorite of those delicious Christmas goodies: Peanut Butter Balls. Over the years, I found myself in the kitchen helping Mom pull it all together, learning from her, and eventually adding this tradition to my home with my own family. Just this past weekend, I was busy in my kitchen keeping this tradition going.</span></span></p><p>The sound of Nat King Cole's Christmas classic on the radio, "The Christmas Song", as the first notes of that song begin to play and he sings, 'Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...', I am taken back to hearing that played in our home as my parents began putting up the decorations, and helping my Dad decorate the Christmas tree. Ornaments collected from friends at church made lovingly by hand and gifted to our family, and beautiful delicate glass ornaments, hand made red chilies my Mom made herself with beautiful fabric of green and red, and antique and collectible ornaments my parents found and collected throughout their ministries and their travels over the years.</p><p>I went with my Dad early this week to visit my Mom at the nursing care facility where she resides. The Alzheimers/Dementia continues to progress, and week to week there is no significant change as we watch her slowly disappear into someone we no longer recognize as the wife and mother we have always known and loved. I talk with my Dad often about how we cope with this unimaginable thing we are experiencing. How to cope? How to keep moving forward? How to avoid falling into a dark pit of despair, with no desire whatsoever of emerging because it is just too awful to take one more moment of this reality. I don't know why, but the song from the film "The Prince of Egypt" came to mind today. The point toward hope, despite so frail at times, the often times empty feeling of wondering if our prayers are being heard and answered knowing my Mom will never be the same......there still remains hope even if it is only the dimness of a single candle illuminating the darkest of night. We do not lose hope, because there can be miracles when we believe. Jesus is our salvation, and our hope, our reason for believing despite the despair and darkness that threatens to engulf us at any moment in this life. Somehow we find hope, because we have hope in Him, our Savior, our Redeemer, our Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. </p><p>I hope and pray that you have a truly blessed Christmas and New Year. There is no greater hope than knowing we have Jesus, the greatest gift our God could ever give!</p><p><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></p><p><span face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br />Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-85285084906695641582023-11-02T10:42:00.001-05:002023-11-02T22:40:53.019-05:00Seasons come, Seasons go, Hallelujah and Amen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvbby_S9AtzP6E-B9IzGcnD2bpjtnAJixLvcZgVuia7-T0ZcHH2i0MZjzi4ZhplGcQwkPTkOICFFJgCuIQt0H3f-LUWbPLXyGKgjNkt-xE0Q4h7cg6BEQMp2S6XPZAkaqcjdC0LHSQKMOp8sqKjA6BZimQfmzNHlIJgNktidRbKynXvc95LmR_6_D_/s3694/96C71D5B-A3B7-4A79-9338-9483DED6D08D.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3694" data-original-width="2814" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvbby_S9AtzP6E-B9IzGcnD2bpjtnAJixLvcZgVuia7-T0ZcHH2i0MZjzi4ZhplGcQwkPTkOICFFJgCuIQt0H3f-LUWbPLXyGKgjNkt-xE0Q4h7cg6BEQMp2S6XPZAkaqcjdC0LHSQKMOp8sqKjA6BZimQfmzNHlIJgNktidRbKynXvc95LmR_6_D_/w305-h400/96C71D5B-A3B7-4A79-9338-9483DED6D08D.JPG" width="305" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p> Give your burdens to the Lord and He will take care of you. Psalm 55:22</p><p>I had the absolute joy recently of taking a trip with my Dad and my Brother to Santa Fe, New Mexico - it was perfectly timed and just what we all needed. The weather was absolutely perfect as the leaves had changed to these beautiful hues of gold, green, red, orange, and the sky was clear blue, the landscape of the southwest was nearly indescribable. The food was delicious and as we remembered fondly from years past: red, green or Christmas - how to choose? If you know, you know! The feeling in this part of the country, the melting pot of so many diverse cultures come together in one place to celebrate and soak up the art/music/culture is something you can't describe in words but must experience in person to appreciate fully. Despite the obvious vacant spot on that trip-Mom-it was something we all needed I think, my Dad especially. Santa Fe is one step closer to heaven for him, well at least for anyone who would describe their 'happy place' - for Dad, this is definitely it. It was bittersweet to spend time with him there and especially to reconnect with an old childhood friend from our years in the Las Cruces area when we were just children. My dear friend Alison met us for lunch one day, and it was just like old times honestly. We had such a great time catching up on each other's lives, learning about each other's families, our personal and professional experiences over the years, laughter and a few tears as we listened to Dad reminisce especially about time spent with her Grandparents and her Dad all those years ago. It was so good to spend time with her again after all these years, and I am so thankful to be reconnected with her once again.</p><p>On another day during our week in Santa Fe, we journeyed just north to Chimayo to walk the beautiful grounds there. It is an area of immense beauty, sacred and quiet space that many come to remember their loved ones long past, to pray, to meditate, to be still. I was reminded very quickly as we stepped into the 100plus year old chapel that it truly is a place set apart, respected and cared for by so many who appreciate it. You could hear a pin drop, it was so quiet except for the creak of our feet on the floors and as we sat in the worn pews. I found a place to sit, and was immediately overcome with tears, just the sense of God's presence. I can't describe it, but I felt Him absolutely surrounding and comforting me. I had a mixture of images, thoughts, feelings in that stillness: grief....joy....gratitude...love.....</p><p>As I look back on that trip with my Dad and my Brother, I sense this cycle continuing in me and staying with me, never stayed or stalled on one in particular but a continuous circle. Isn't that as it should be as seasons come, and seasons go? I could get stuck in grief so easily if I allowed my humanity to win on any given day, and don't get me wrong: I have moments when I can't shake it and have a really bad day. But I know where to turn and I know what to do to find my way out of it, even if it feels like I'm grasping the edge white knuckled trying to get back on solid ground. When I do, when my Lord extends His hand once again and I can find my footing, his abundant love always there to comfort and strengthen me, you can be sure as I stand full in His wonderful grace these will be the first words I utter......</p><p>Hallelujah and Amen. Thank you God for helping me to my feet time and time again, no matter what this life brings. </p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-26261384447717946632023-08-07T00:13:00.004-05:002023-08-07T00:21:08.283-05:00Setting my focus, Finding peace<p> I have been going longer stretches this year without blogging, not sure why but I find it difficult to write more often than I have in years past. I'm sad to admit my Mom's declining health, the slow grief of losing her more and more to alzheimers and trying to help my Dad manage through it all is a heavy burden. </p><p>So to lighten that burden, I have found comfort in long drives of silence, taking time to listen more than I speak, the sound of the birds chirping and singing after a cool rain, the secadas humming away in the humidity of a summer day, the smell and taste of homemade salsa in my kitchen, the soft comfort of my favorite blanket as I nap on a Sunday afternoon. Sometimes the little things in life are just what is needed to find peace.</p><p>We brought an amazing song in our worship set this weekend at our church, and I am still lingering on 2 lines in particular that resonated with me and this current season of life:</p><p>......Sickness is not my story, You are!</p><p>Heartbreak's not my home, You are!.....</p><p>(Fear is Not My Future, Maverick City Music)</p><p>We've done the song several times now as it is part of our current song rotation, but for some reason today those 2 lines stood out more than before. I don't want my Mom's condition and my inability to fully cope with it to cloud my faith, my hope. I don't think it has, but I will confess there are moments over these past couple of years that I have lost my focus to consuming feelings of grief, helplessness, and near despair. I approach the edge of what I think is absolute despair and something pulls me from that edge just as I am peering over it. It's my good Father, never far, always near and ready to comfort me in the absolute depth of it. He brings me back to the realization of what I have to be thankful for in both the best and the worst of times. I can't be shaken from the foundation I have in Him, it is always there when the fog of this difficult season clears briefly. Hope, Peace, Strength, Love is mine in Christ, and He provides it to me without fail. </p><p>Thanks be to God, who knows me and loves me and has me in His loving hands through every season of this life!</p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-66816213515661788292023-05-04T00:00:00.000-05:002023-05-04T00:00:12.582-05:00Thankful and Hopeful<p> It is a beautiful Spring evening here, and as usual I am up late and my mind is buzzing, can't sleep. I am thankful for the reminder tonight in my devotional time that God is incredibly patient and gracious with me, even when I am at my absolute worst. I'm doing better with my stress and what seems to be a slow grief that I have learned I simply just have to manage. Dad and I talk a lot, the reality that we are all dealing with a level of anxiety we hadn't planned for. Nobody plans to have a loved one with alzheimers/dementia, so when it happens, well it hits like a really bad dream that you just can't wake from. It's one Mom will never wake from. I haven't seen her in months, hope to go with Dad in the next couple of weeks. The last few weeks he says she hasn't been very responsive, just sits and stares at the tv. She seems to be responding positively to the activities they are doing especially music, which is a comfort knowing how much she loved to sing and play the piano. I miss that, I miss singing with her, at home all those years ago in the basement of our home on Ventura when I was in high school, she'd play the piano, and we'd sing together. It hurts my heart we won't be able to do that anymore. So much we can't do together anymore, because she just isn't there, so much of her has faded. I am thankful my God is with me, provides the strength, the hope, the peace I need through this. I don't know how anyone goes through difficult life circumstances without God. I have no doubt I wouldn't be where I am right now without Him, the support system around us, our family through this. I am aware every single day of how blessed, loved, supported we are, and I am just so thankful.</p><p>It's a busy season for us, as we move into the month of May and get ready to celebrate Rylee's 26th birthday next week. How is that possible? How on earth am I the age that I am? I remember my Mom being this age, and thinking that was a long way off for me. I remember being Rylee's age, 26, married a few years, our growing family, life experiences we had hoped and prayed for and the realities unfolding in ways we didn't expect. I look at her right now, what she has experienced and endured this past year alone. I am so thankful she has found her way into a much healthier, happier place in her life. </p><p>Ryan is approaching 52 toward the end of the month. Started a new IT job last month and finding his way slowly but steadily into a new field of work that I am confident will bring him a level of professional satisfaction that he hasn't had in a long time. God has provided a place for us both on the worship/creative arts team at our church for several years, and we are enjoying it so much without having the responsibility that comes with a church staff position. I love seeing his heart full, his gift of music and worship pouring out as the Spirit leads him. My favorite place to be is right by his side, sharing the love of Jesus through worship ministry together. There's no place I'd rather be. </p><p>AJ is graduating Willard High School in just a couple of weeks, and it falls on Mother's Day. I can't imagine a better gift as a mother than to witness my child accomplishing something so great in his life, moving into a new season of life. I have no clue what he is going to do, but I am excited to watch and pray as he explores the opportunities that unfold for him in the days ahead.</p><p>When it comes down to it, as time keeps slipping away, as we get a little older, and as we watch so many amazing things happen around us, I am keenly aware of what keeps me together day by day: I put my hope in God. All day long, I find even in the most stressful moments, I can lean into His unfailing love and mercy. He doesn't move or change, He is constant when everything else falls away. I am so thankful, truly thankful!</p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-10322426919907044862023-01-10T00:26:00.000-06:002023-01-10T00:26:58.817-06:00<p> 'My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.' Psalm 73:26</p><p>It's my birthday month. I'm about to hit 51 with all I've got. And all I've got is not much, but God....</p><p>Years ago I met this amazing person. I wasn't expecting him to cross my path, but God had something in mind for me that I was not prepared for. I am thankful for God's absolutely perfect timing, how He knows so very well and so very precisely what I need. I was reminded in my quiet time tonight as I read those two words in the scripture 'but God', that no matter the depth of my inadequacy....He fills me. He is my rock, my strength, my source, my anchor, my portion, my all in all. </p><p>I still get the feeling now, not much different than I did 15-20 years ago....I'm not enough. 28 years married to my true Love, and I question it from time to time. My oldest child is approaching 26 this year, and my youngest will be 12....I still struggle with just feeling like I haven't done enough for all four of my amazing children. It's an immense burden and blessing to be a parent, and I hope and pray every single day that I am enough, that I am doing enough for them. </p><p>I wonder a lot these days, as I watch my Mom's slow decline due to this terrible disease called Alzheimer's/Dementia - how often did she have this same struggle. Mom and I were always close, late night talks before bedtime as I was growing up, and more intimate heart to heart conversations over the years as I became a wife and a mother myself. She didn't have any groundbreaking words of wisdom, but always spoke with such unconditional love and grace. Nothing was unspoken, we would talk about a little bit of everything. On the other side of these talks with my Mom, I remember always feeling safe and deeply loved. I felt content in a way that could only come from time with her. I hope and pray I am providing that for my children too in the time we have spent together in similar conversations. I know as I witnessed this example from my Mom over the years, it was a lasting impression not only of her, but of Father God in her. Even as I watch her fade away, I am more aware of the absolute joy she had in knowing and loving Him. </p><p>I know even in my weakest moments of this life, that Father God is indeed my strength and my portion, that He is enough and He is all that I need. I know deep down that my sense of belonging in this life will never be fulfilled by something this world can provide. I will not find it in my family, in my circle of friends, in my church, in my career, but always and only in my Father God who has saved me and loves me so. Thank you Father, for providing your love and grace abundant for me. </p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-29180560739557139392022-12-21T12:44:00.001-06:002022-12-21T12:44:50.183-06:00Hope<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAwJz7XJQopGj_HT9htq8y5cwktuJRnHN2RvD7yJec8wIj_vQBuacI5CGC0hYJ0JgL9X8SwOQpCN_aTshDGz9ooXdVHUSPswDsJGSfl3NzbQ0JeAjuayCN_TxX9DsFANbaDBaRb6Vw6sn8a4X_XkZe9wErxpMCjqJf2wNkL7TYYTDZi4qX0mp-qA/s783/Hope%20of%20Bethlehem.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="453" data-original-width="783" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAwJz7XJQopGj_HT9htq8y5cwktuJRnHN2RvD7yJec8wIj_vQBuacI5CGC0hYJ0JgL9X8SwOQpCN_aTshDGz9ooXdVHUSPswDsJGSfl3NzbQ0JeAjuayCN_TxX9DsFANbaDBaRb6Vw6sn8a4X_XkZe9wErxpMCjqJf2wNkL7TYYTDZi4qX0mp-qA/s320/Hope%20of%20Bethlehem.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i><b>‘A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices…..’</b></i><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I know a lot of you share this sentiment for the year of
2022…..I’m <i>weary</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
there’s a word I would choose to represent this year, it is just that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My humanity threatens at every turn of this
road called life to call it done, give up, throw in the towel, wave the white
flag.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I.can’t.even.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I can’t really pinpoint one thing, it’s a cascade of “things”
that this life has thrown in our path.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At
the end of the laundry list of “things” I could list for you here, I can point
to one “thing” that has held me steady somehow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Jesus</b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is Jehovah
Jireh, forever enough, always enough, more than enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am going to continue to age, ache, stumble
through everything this life hands me, but He is steady and unchanging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When it seems He is far from my reach, it’s
hard to swallow the reality, the truth of the matter:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am the one who has wandered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His presence, His peace, His strength, He is
with me always and forever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am a child
of God, I am His, and nothing changes that.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When I can’t cope with the pathway my Mom is on with this horrible
disease called Alzheimer’s/Dementia… He is my help and hope.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When I can’t cope with the pathway my daughter is on with her
disappointing, incredibly stressful, heartbreaking experience in what she
thought was her dream career…. He is my help and hope.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When I can’t cope with the pathway my husband is on with a
shiny new college degree in his hands and the pursuit of a new career and what
has been a snail pace, mind numbing, incredibly frustrating process…. He is my
help and hope.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When I can’t cope with the pathway of the sudden loss of a
loved one…. He is my help and hope.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When I can’t cope with the pathway of a terminal diagnosis
for a dear friend…. He is my help and hope.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My husband Ryan shared with our family in our Advent focus a
couple weeks ago, the focus of Hope, that it is not what we often say so
flippantly, “I hope this works out…”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It is the focus of Jesus Hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is the focus of this blessed baby born to
us one night in Bethlehem.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, when you are hanging on by a thread, and when all that
you thought you had figured out and could count on as “good” in this life seems
gone…..I can tell you my friend, all is not lost.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i><b>‘A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices…’</b></i><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">He is here, He is near, He is for you, and He will steady
you for whatever life brings your way.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Christ is born, and we have Hope eternal!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do not despair, He is with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am praying the Light of the world brings an
abundance of hope into your life today.<o:p></o:p></p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-76531797636708400972022-11-09T11:34:00.000-06:002022-11-09T11:34:19.567-06:00Holy Expectation in the Unexpected<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZIQv5JIJ4G08J5n9Skmumbi78mFe0gyZo8a-qhTowbDUUxCsMqxjmSlhNzB2bc9VyrKV4we8T-6yZIBOAAwq1M8t8Dy49f5RiZO5Srbgu3mlZvTQf_5S-G3ZACWlv4Z4eN0TMiWGT5qgzwoIXtrVZPn5StiBilEUuXpZsleOBvc-DqtnprxM0SQ/s892/Screenshot%202022-11-09%2011.26.12%20AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="523" data-original-width="892" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZIQv5JIJ4G08J5n9Skmumbi78mFe0gyZo8a-qhTowbDUUxCsMqxjmSlhNzB2bc9VyrKV4we8T-6yZIBOAAwq1M8t8Dy49f5RiZO5Srbgu3mlZvTQf_5S-G3ZACWlv4Z4eN0TMiWGT5qgzwoIXtrVZPn5StiBilEUuXpZsleOBvc-DqtnprxM0SQ/w400-h235/Screenshot%202022-11-09%2011.26.12%20AM.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /> <p></p><p><i>Psalm 91:1-2 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."</i></p><p>The year end is rapidly approaching, and as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday, I am aware of how quickly time is moving forward. This past year has been full of moments of unexpected experiences. We lost Ryan's Mom in early January, and while we knew she was not going to be with us much longer due to a number of health issues, it's just something you can't be fully prepared for. We had blessed time together gathering family and sweet friends to honor her life and praise God for our time with her, how she left her loving, gracious mark upon all of our lives. As we stepped into those first few months of the year, the stress and demand of work, and for Ryan finishing out his degree at MSU, it was like a glaring neon sign in our faces that we could not avoid. We had to push forward and do what was still before us to accomplish. We have had the joy and gift of new worship ministry with North Point Church and the teams there, new church family, new and so welcome especially as we navigate some very intense life circumstances. As we approached May/June/July, Ryan finally graduated - hallelujah! - and our oldest daughter Rylee was offered a teaching position, so we were now entering new territory. However you choose to look at it, Ryan was starting new/starting fresh with a shiny new degree in IT CyberSecurity and we were simultaneously helping Rylee launch into first full time job/first car purchase/first apartment. A lot of new in a short amount of time. </p><p>Let me just say, for all of you in the arena of life that is parenting adult children: Respect. There's no handbook for this and from what I am finding out, even looking back at how my parents managed it with me and my brother, it's kind of a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants-and-trust-everything-to-God's-hands approach. My heart is at a whole new level of aching, as we try to advise/guide/support our children and release them into the wide, wild world. My greatest strength and peace through it, is knowing God made them and they were His before they were entrusted to our care on this earth. I don't like the realization that once again, I'm not in control. God's got this, and He's living in and moving in the hearts and lives of my children. One of the greatest joys I have experienced this year in the midst of so much unexpected, is witnessing our youngest daughter Chloe accept the salvation of Christ and be baptized this summer. I can't think of a greater experience in my life as a parent than to know all of my children now know the Lord and will experience eternity in heaven with Him one day. Our family is now sealed in the beautiful covenant of Christ and part of the family of God. There's just no greater joy I have experienced in my life thus far. So even as we navigate this new season of parenting adult children, we can cling to that at the absolute worst of moments and it may be the one thing that brings lasting comfort when everything else seems to crumble around us. </p><p>As Summer transitioned to Fall, doors were closing for Ryan as he ran the "hamster wheel" of job searching. The frustration and disappointment is real, and motivation wears very thin as you can imagine. Simultaneously, Rylee is struggling with the transition to new job/new life on her own/new responsibilities. We press on and encourage her, support her in all we know to do, but ultimately we know this is a season in which we have to be in hands-off-prayers-up mode for our daughter. We can't do this for her, we have to guide/support her as best we can and re-direct her to Father God, to her mentoring team, and to her therapist. It is a really hard place to be, nothing easy about this process....and this is just our first. We still have 3 more children to walk through this with. God help us.</p><p>As we approach mid-November, I am very much aware that what I expected to unfold in the year of 2022 is anything but. My husband is navigating new uncertainties and the harsh realities of how the world handles you when you try to step into something new despite having a shiny new college degree in hand. My daughter has experienced the beginning and end of her first job by her own choosing, and the realization through that experience that it was not at all what she hoped and dreamed it would be, and is now finding her way in other career interests, following after God's call upon her heart for something new. </p><p>As I was navigating some reading online this morning, I came upon the scripture in Psalm 91, and it was timely. I know it and I believe it, but the visual is an immediate peace for me to know again, deep in my soul, that God is my refuge and I can trust Him. There's a lot we experience in this life, and everything it throws our way has the potential to shift our focus in a negative direction. We need to consistently adopt a perspective of holy expectation in the unexpected. When we are shaken, heartbroken, disappointed and discouraged, we need to run to the refuge of our Father God that is always there. He will hold us fast, His faithfulness is unwaivering, He is with us and for us. Thank you God for being Who you are, and for holding me steady when so much I am experiencing in this life is unsteady. Thank you God!</p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-22711202547779719252022-10-20T01:09:00.001-05:002022-10-20T01:09:56.631-05:00Seasons come, Seasons go<p> The reality that we are nearing the end of October, and just 2 months away from the end of 2022, is kind of hard to believe when I think about it. I'm going to be brutally honest here: 2022 has been hard. My Mom's health has declined significantly as the Alzheimer's/Dementia has progressed and takes away more and more of the amazing person I have known her to be my entire life. The doctors, nurses, hospice care team have helped us know what to expect along the way, but it's a heartbreaking thing to watch unfold. I haven't been able to shake it completely, some days are worse than others, the grief of losing her slowly hangs over me like a fog. </p><p>I'm struggling to go to sleep tonight, too much on my mind and heart, so I'm hoping I find some sense of relief and release as I type out the words of this blog entry. My family has experienced some significant highs and lows this year, and in recent weeks more of the latter. I have had a couple of moments the last 3 weeks, where I have wondered silently to myself and also out loud, "God, what is the purpose of this? Why did this have to go the way it did?"</p><p>I don't understand, I want to know why God allows things to play out the way they do. I know it's not for me to know it all, but I still want to know why because I am tired of feeling the ache of life. Do you know what I mean? The things we experience in this life have the potential to shape us for better or for worse. I am an optimist, so I have a determination in me to see the positive no matter what and keep moving forward. But I have had some moments recently in my life that literally took the breath out of me. Moments where I have to separate myself from everyone and everything, silence and solitude my only comfort. Moments I have to confess my first response was not to pray, or seek the Word of God for scriptural comfort....but instead to just breathe, be in the stillness, cry. My spiritual nature doesn't kick in first, because I have to release the junk of my human nature. As I started to release the junk tonight, I found myself in Ephesians 6, that familiar passage about the armor of God. The last thing I felt confident in is my ability to stand. I'm feeling a lot more like David tonight, as he did the seemingly impossible thing facing that giant Goliath with just a sling and a stone. I know what I need to do, but I know I can't do it alone. I know I've got to draw from the strength that only God can provide to stand, even as life hits and hurts, I can somehow bring myself to stand. </p><p>There's the familiar song from the Byrds, "Turn! Turn! Turn!" that says: </p><p>'To everything (turn, turn, turn) </p><p>There is a season (turn, turn, turn) </p><p>And a time to every purpose, under heaven'</p><p>The only realization I can come to in my struggle, in my questions to God, in the aches of this life, is that somehow God's got a purpose for this. He's got a plan even in this difficult season, and He will help me get through it. </p><p>He is good and faithful, even when I don't sense it right away. I am thankful for who He is and how He loves me.</p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-55475190799022240382022-07-26T17:01:00.003-05:002022-07-26T22:54:33.972-05:00Graze in Grace<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsD3wt67-vwMumWhIRnypEEeSqLliIGkIsX3XZwxYUSu8TBDCj-QYHikCbgzkefkrPHsW1cEqtbaGzNtIJT1gElD0kwg6G6YaWQX0zTJ72J0gyh4D9lkMH2wQNYCqmunlWneSABw6ym-vzzhk5k6pqMEsXY9Q5TnFUSdgby397HygLDIiu_RP5yw/s465/Grace.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="242" data-original-width="465" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsD3wt67-vwMumWhIRnypEEeSqLliIGkIsX3XZwxYUSu8TBDCj-QYHikCbgzkefkrPHsW1cEqtbaGzNtIJT1gElD0kwg6G6YaWQX0zTJ72J0gyh4D9lkMH2wQNYCqmunlWneSABw6ym-vzzhk5k6pqMEsXY9Q5TnFUSdgby397HygLDIiu_RP5yw/w400-h209/Grace.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #444444;">If you have had a
conversation with me the last couple of months, you know things are - for lack
of a better word - INTENSE in my house. </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><span>We just celebrated Ryan
graduating MSU in May with his Bachelor's in IT CyberSecurity. Our oldest
daughter Rylee has been offered a full time teaching position, teaching English
at Nixa High School just outside of Springfield this Fall. We are in the
countdown to her move into her first apartment in a couple of weeks. Our
older son Bailey has ventured into a new job this summer with a friend, and is
loving it. Our younger son AJ started his first job this summer at Taco
Bell. Our youngest daughter Chloe is living her best pre-teen life this
summer hanging out with her bff's, swimming, sleeping in, etc. Ryan is
hard at it on the 'hamster wheel' of job hunting post graduation: apply,
interview, wait, get passed over, and repeat ......That last piece has been
quite frustrating and disappointing as you can imagine for Ryan and I after all
his hard work to get to this point in his life. Having to work at a job that is highly
unsatisfying for a company that takes no interest in mentoring or championing
my husband to transition into a better job, well....I have words I would like
to say here, but because I don't want to offend anyone I will keep them to myself. My Mom's health is steadily declining, and the battle with Alzheimers/Dementia continues as we have had to make some changes recently with her care after a terrible fall. Thankfully, we have some new things in place and she is healing well, but it continues to be a very hard path to walk for my Dad, my brother and I as we do our best together to make sure she has the best care and try to make the most of the time we do have with her. The absolute best part of my day today was spending my lunch break with my sweet Dad. I told him as we left our lunch spot today, it was just what I needed in the middle of this hectic day.</span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">If you know me well, you know I am an optimist. I always have been, always will be. Don't get me wrong-I have moments of sheer panic and overwhelming doubt. But I am a full blown type A personality, stubborn and strong-willed, and absolutely determined to get things done when they come my way. I don't give up, I don't back down, and when I am met with defeat or failure, I process it and eventually I move on. I have too much in me to offer this world and too many amazing people in my life and things God has given me to let anything keep me down. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">This afternoon, I came upon something Ann Voskamp shared on social media, that gave me immediate pause to reflect. It was perfectly timed because of the day I am having today. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">'What are you attending to today?</span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">You are doing hard and holy things and, as we keep company with Jesus on the way, our hearts turn our attention to what we attend to...to what we keep paying attention to.</span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">Because the reality is: What we pay attention to - is how we spend our lives.'</span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">My first thought after taking in the entirety of her post today was this:</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">Am I grazing in Grace?</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV)</span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">That verse is familiar, the first part is what often comes to memory. But that last part sticks with me today: 'so that Christ's power may rest on me'. If I am grazing in anything less than the abundant grace my God has given to me as His child, then I am wasting everything in me on the things of this life that simply do not matter. </span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">'Grace, Grace, God's Grace! Grace that will pardon and cleanse within<br /></span></i><i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">Grace, Grace, God's Grace! Grace that is greater than all our sin' <br /></span></i><i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">(-Grace Greater Than All Our Sin, Julia H. Johnson/Daniel B. Towner)</span></i></div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">I'm reminded and renewed today, to stop and rest, linger a little while longer, graze in His abundant grace.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">Care to join me?</span></p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-57930431992138353292022-03-24T12:41:00.000-05:002022-03-24T12:41:02.776-05:00Let go and live cruciform<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB-Ieg4ozVf6FDSTwMCzdZ3A3-WDd5WEGo7vuzQaNPw4zfWCveeYQSSGBjpS8N9dDvsAeCBuwGTJOrKF4n8xQ2Jt1toX20MTUJSTpYZScINdVI8vMVsZbWUhnk0fuYFVpgQTruQvKxT3A0QcfgsU8fMJ3ymbboUTIIqEjVsA-9bAiV_MDQKiryyQ/s453/path%20to%20the%20cross.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="254" data-original-width="453" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB-Ieg4ozVf6FDSTwMCzdZ3A3-WDd5WEGo7vuzQaNPw4zfWCveeYQSSGBjpS8N9dDvsAeCBuwGTJOrKF4n8xQ2Jt1toX20MTUJSTpYZScINdVI8vMVsZbWUhnk0fuYFVpgQTruQvKxT3A0QcfgsU8fMJ3ymbboUTIIqEjVsA-9bAiV_MDQKiryyQ/w400-h224/path%20to%20the%20cross.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p>I'm currently in the middle of a beautiful Lent devotional study <i>"Waymaker: Finding the Way to the Life You've Always Dreamed Of"</i> by Ann Voskamp. She has become one of my favorite authors the last few years, among several that I cherish in my daily devotional times. She speaks both in tone and context in a way that is incredibly comforting and clarifying, and entirely necessary as I am journeying forward in this life God has given me. I shared at a recent women's breakfast event with our church about a piece of this devotional that has been speaking into my life, and today I was struck once again by the focus she is delivering to us through her writing. Her writing inspires me also to write, to share out of the abundance God is pouring into my own journey along this treacherous and blessed pathway unfolding ahead of me day by day. </p><p><i>Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:34 NIV</i></p><p>This year I turned a corner into a new age bracket, 50. As I step ahead following the loss of Ryan's Mom early January this year, continue to witness my Mom's progression deeper into the thieving disease we know as Alzheimer's/Dementia, and somehow try to keep all the plates spinning in my family's lives as we manage work/school/life schedules, I am more tired and honestly frustrated than ever before in my life. I get fixated entirely too much on what I don't understand, impatient with people and the circumstances unfolding around me, and I honestly find myself throwing my hands up and saying 'whatever' under my breath entirely too much. Life is beating me up, and more often than not I feel so nearly defeated. I know I am not, I know that my God, the Way through this life, my Way, Truth, Life in the midst of all this absolute hurt, heartache, hell on earth........ He is ready with open arms to receive it and bear it all for me. He is my Waymaker, He is my shepherd, He is my Savior through it all, and my response ought to be absolute surrender. My heart's desire is to do just that, to trust Him and surrender. I confess, I hold on tightly too much of the time because quite frankly - I just want to fix it and be done with it. I want it to be set right. I want it to be better. </p><p>How do we relinquish then, and settle into this posture of cruciform? It is the posture of complete surrender, arms stretched wide, releasing all that is heavy, overwhelming, hardened, the pressure, the weighed down expectations of this life..... all of it belongs in a pile at the foot of the Cross. He's here, He's been here all along for us, ready to take it all and usher in its place the entirety of perfect peace and love that we all long for. I cannot abide fully in His presence until I am willing to let go and live cruciform. </p><p><br /></p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-43735798865940742642022-02-03T12:59:00.000-06:002022-02-03T12:59:23.043-06:00I am Your beloved.....<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhQqR5WB_blOvyfHDMgW7OjPdCRLzpEEZFEJeNfXhpGvYtPYNnnNTzz2WxD2SBsqVBcVFa36CkHLeS6mWsBl-HFUyHj7Tgpc4qXQxgA0Ur7CRCp_n51s0nJvbgkCIQGrupVh8IWEf1B1lIDjx_i4sm_DX6r3hlBWiJYEp2LPebn3zsnUVgLLUPYog=s665" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="444" data-original-width="665" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhQqR5WB_blOvyfHDMgW7OjPdCRLzpEEZFEJeNfXhpGvYtPYNnnNTzz2WxD2SBsqVBcVFa36CkHLeS6mWsBl-HFUyHj7Tgpc4qXQxgA0Ur7CRCp_n51s0nJvbgkCIQGrupVh8IWEf1B1lIDjx_i4sm_DX6r3hlBWiJYEp2LPebn3zsnUVgLLUPYog=s320" width="320" /></a></div><b><p><b><br /></b></p>'To find the peace and productivity we desire, we need to come back to the basics of the first commandment.'</b> - (<i>Staying Focused in Uncertain Times, Elizabeth Grace Saunders-Real Life E Time Coaching, DivineTimeBook.com</i>)<p></p><p>You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. -Matthew 22:37</p><p>I was warned by my parents, by friends, and by others who have far more years of life experience ahead of me, that time moves faster as we get a little older. 2022 started off with a couple of 'unexpecteds' for my family. And if I'm being honest, it has shaken my focus. I wasn't always the most confident one in the room. I'd say it wasn't until my 30's when I really started feeling comfortable in my own skin. I would dare say nobody is born with full and complete confidence in themselves. Life experiences shape that for the good and for the bad over time. What the Lord gives and takes, it tests our focus. It's human nature to interpret the movement of his hand in our lives or the seemingly lack thereof, as unwanted. I'm certain there is a significant percentage of the Christian community who won't readily admit to that, and prefer to keep the overarching message to the world in the form of some sort of 'prosperity gospel'. Nobody wants to expose their lack of faith, their season of doubt, their base struggle between humanity and spirituality for everyone to know. When it comes down to it though, we all have this struggle on some level. I'm strengthened and comforted today as I absorb the scripture in Matthew 22, and the beautiful lyric of this song, to hear Father God's sweet reminder to me of who I am: </p><p><i>I am Your beloved</i></p><p><i>You have bought me with Your blood</i></p><p><i>And on Your hand</i></p><p><i>You've written out my name </i></p><p><i>I am Your beloved</i></p><p><i>One the Father loves</i></p><p><i>Mercy has defeated all my shame</i></p><p><i>(-I Am Your Beloved, Jonathan David Helser and Melissa Helser)</i></p><p>I needed this reminder of His love, His mercy for me to drink in my parched and weary soul every single day. I'm guessing as we head into February and try to make our way through the days ahead into this new year, you are probably in need of this filling as well. I invite you to lay your 'unexpecteds' down and let yourself be clothed in His presence today and every single day. <i>The One who knows you best is the One who loves you most.</i></p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-90226225552611992402022-01-13T16:03:00.001-06:002022-01-13T16:03:29.142-06:00Heartbreak to Hope<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgxoighSZpmCR5bFS2MC_NsULQxzVELFo3ZRc4otmvUJ4FKYxUQ7NVk70cxJ7FTBu2_i07UNOUivGMhFovfnd8WX3NDNtdLg4u0YU-mVlySh0yuY_klYc_XE8pp7YZWisUkaBYm0n_qZizR24Xu-WJ5IJR1P7Z-8-Y5x_fp_swPQHrLMZF59PyN2Q=s1682" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="696" data-original-width="1682" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgxoighSZpmCR5bFS2MC_NsULQxzVELFo3ZRc4otmvUJ4FKYxUQ7NVk70cxJ7FTBu2_i07UNOUivGMhFovfnd8WX3NDNtdLg4u0YU-mVlySh0yuY_klYc_XE8pp7YZWisUkaBYm0n_qZizR24Xu-WJ5IJR1P7Z-8-Y5x_fp_swPQHrLMZF59PyN2Q=s320" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p>'A woman is like a tea bag - you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.' -Eleanor Roosevelt</p><p>'Listen to your life. All moments are key moments.' -Frederick Buechner</p><p>2022 has arrived, and little did I know what would start it off. January 3, Ryan got a late night call from his Dad, the kind of call that nobody wants to get. It was apparent to Ryan when he saw the phone call coming that night, that something must be wrong because it was not like his Dad to call us that late normally. The next 24-48 hours, the days that followed were blurry, painful emotionally and physically, and just the beginning of a process we know we'll be working through with Ryan's Dad as we help him with this painful transition in life without his partner, his love, Maggi. Right away, Ryan and I took time that evening to bring our children together, to embrace and weep, but also to know and grasp the beautiful hope that she was free from her body's struggles and in the arms of our Father God in eternity. We had known in the days just prior as her lung condition had worsened, that it would not likely be very long. We knew, but we really didn't know. When any of us has the unfortunate and inevitable experience of witnessing a loved one, a parent, a grandparent, someone we love so dearly, losing to a physical battle from a terminal illness or condition, there's no real preparation for it. We can either acknowledge it and attempt to deal with it as it unfolds, or we can live in denial and avoid it as if it won't actually come to a regrettable, painful end. </p><p>I shared with a colleague today some of what I am experiencing mentally, emotionally, physically with the ongoing slow grief of my Mom's progressing Alzheimer's/Dementia compounded by the unexpected loss of my Mother in law last week; I questioned how much can a human being really take, before we break. She shared a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that I have posted at the top of this entry today. It is remarkable what we are capable of, how much we can endure. I have watched friends from near and far, experience some of the most horrific life circumstances and while I am certain underneath their outward appearance they are absolutely broken inside...I see a resilience, a determination, a peace-filled strength emerge as they do their best to put one foot in front of the other. There is no doubt in my mind and in my heart, we are forever changed by these life experiences. And as much as I would like to take a cloth and wipe away the worst experiences of my life, I pause and remind myself deep down: it is all a part of me and has made me who I am today. This leads me to the second quote I posted at the top of this entry from Frederick Buechner. Listen, take it all in, and pause to embrace the full weight of your life experience. It all matters, and it all shapes us into who we are. It has the potential to steer us in one direction or another, as the doors of opportunity open ahead of us, day by day. </p><p>I know there is a moment we all have after we lose someone, when we think about the last thing that was said or done. We agonize over the desire to have had one more moment to speak love and kindness, express regret and make amends, or to just let that person know how much they truly meant to us. As a woman of faith and follower of Christ, I recognize that wrestling I experience in my humanity is stilled and comforted all at once, when I awaken to the joy of knowing in my heart that they knew. Deep down they truly knew how much they meant to us, and how much we meant to them. I can't imagine having the ability to go on in this life without that perspective. The opposite would drive me to a very dark irrecoverable place, and an existence without purpose or meaning. Because of Christ, we have purpose beyond what is endured in our lives. That purpose is what spurs us to press on through the hardest moments, to emerge in the light of day knowing we can move forward. I know that is what my Grandmother would have wanted for me. And I know that is what my Mother-in-law would have wanted as well. We cannot give up and let the heartbreak of this life defeat us. We must press on, we must persevere, choose to not just live well, but live life with an abundance of love, grace, and kindness. </p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-60930375785125309432021-12-19T12:17:00.000-06:002021-12-19T12:17:21.782-06:00<p> <i>Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. -Ephesians 3:20 NLT</i></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjzaLuUa1TizgqnFftscEI6BQBZmUUV3FHcJTc0aLfQayC1IfcMyuhr11k7GnegmT6fBYYXvVR--sTHkiG66yfAVasUs-QGnS3oeoVP86qHsCHfE2e21vlGNpZluyCuU4Ol2W3vP9b7EMhVH3TuoBlXrEN9bKC1CAbxLO_EkWaJnXZPZfaI5iLj_w=s612" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="437" data-original-width="612" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjzaLuUa1TizgqnFftscEI6BQBZmUUV3FHcJTc0aLfQayC1IfcMyuhr11k7GnegmT6fBYYXvVR--sTHkiG66yfAVasUs-QGnS3oeoVP86qHsCHfE2e21vlGNpZluyCuU4Ol2W3vP9b7EMhVH3TuoBlXrEN9bKC1CAbxLO_EkWaJnXZPZfaI5iLj_w=s320" width="320" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p>The Christmas season is upon us and we are just one week away from the day we celebrate the coming of Christ to this world. God knew what He was doing when He planned this entire happening. Joseph and Mary had no idea this was coming, but through scripture we read how God prepared and informed them of His plan as the earthly caretakers for His Son Jesus. God provided an angel to both of them to tell them precisely what they needed to know, but I can only imagine how absolutely terrified they both must have been. This is a situation that in and of itself, its format if you will, plays out in one way or another in our own lives. Not exactly the same scenario, but a version of it in terms of its play by play. I can recall several situations that played out in my own life, but I was not prepared and I certainly was not 100% all in for it. That latter part was my response all too often to God, because I saw it going so much differently and of course my hopes were crushed at the realization that this was not going the way I had hoped it would. I can look back on those moments and see how immature and distorted my focus was in life at the time. I can see deep down, my focus wasn't entirely on what God wanted for me, but more so what I wanted for me. Human nature is in a constant battle with our spiritual nature to win our absolute focus. I can recall moments I was at my worst, absolutely furious with God and telling him with tight fists what I thought and how I thought it should have gone down. I can recall moments more recently in the last 12-18 months, where I have gone from furious to completely numb, recognizing in my state of exhaustion after praying and pleading, agonizing through countless conversations in my head, so many tears cried to the point there were no more tears left in me.....my Mom is never going to be the Mom I knew again. She is slipping away from me a little bit more as the days go by, and for some reason God is not delivering her from this horrible disease. I am learning as I navigate this with my Dad and my brother, as we do the best we can to make sure Mom is well care for, as we take the time we have left with her to make the best of every moment we have with her, there is literally nothing we can do but pray, lean on each other, and love her for as long as we have her here. There's no getting her back to the Nan we all knew before. We are blessed at best with a few minutes in about an hour long visit with her, to see a glimmer of the woman we all know and love in her eyes. What terrifies me more than ever now, is when that glimmer is gone and she is just a shell of the woman I have known and loved all my life. There's no undoing any of this for Mom, none of us can fix this for her, but we can be there for her through it. I refuse to be consumed by the reality of this disease my Mom is enduring, but instead I choose to focus on Christ in me. I choose to make the best of the time I have remaining on this earth, and to not be consumed by what angers and disappoints me in this life. </p><p>We are finding the traditions we once held to as a family at Christmas, are evolving just a bit as we experience it without Mom being part of it. We'll adjust our gatherings to something new, but the focus of the time we spend together will still be on what matters most. There is a momentary ache for all of us for the things we once did together with Mom, but there is a renewed sense of joy when we talk about the focus of Christ and what we know Mom would want for us if she could say so. I know that shift has occurred for many of you as we all continue to get through this pandemic together, recognizing our lives will never be the same because of loved ones lost. I hope as we approach Christmas Day, you will experience great joy this season knowing what has not changed: God's love for you! He is for you, He walks with you and He will strengthen you for what is yet ahead in the days to come. I am trusting Him for this, and I am praying you will choose to do the same. </p><p>Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours this season!</p><p>-Andrea</p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-70908219825643839962021-11-02T14:49:00.002-05:002021-11-02T14:49:31.189-05:00Thanksgiving every single day...<p> As I write this entry, just hours from now my son Bailey will be returning from a 12 day experience touring Spain with his collegiate choir. I had a beautiful writing come across my social media feed from Ann Voskamp this morning about the beautiful opportunity we have every single day with Father God to thank Him for who He is and what He has provided to us. </p><p>When we struggle to find and know our God, on what seems to be the worst of days or maybe just a brief moment in a day we are experiencing.....what is the grounding here? We need Him, every hour of every day and we need to spend more time with our hands lifted to Him in a posture of thanksgiving rather than raising our fists and our voices in anger and frustration, or pounding our chests and crying out in anguish because He's not who we need right now or He's not doing precisely what we expected in our greatest hour of need.</p><p><i>"I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord</i></p><p><i>No tender voice like Thine can peace afford</i></p><p><i>I need Thee, oh I need Thee</i></p><p><i>Every hour I need Thee</i></p><p><i>Oh bless me now my Savior, I come to Thee" (Annie Sherwood Hawks lyrics, Robert Lowry music)</i></p><p>Where does our hope come from? It comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth, who will not let my feet slip, watches over as I slumber day and night and never sleeps, who keeps me from harm and watches over my comings and goings now and forevermore. (Psalm 121) I have been sending my son prayerful messages and scriptures every couple of days through his experience in Spain and I pray continuously even now as we approach his arrival at the airport tonight.....</p><p><i>"God, thank you for my Amazing One, this precious son you have given me to help step by step through the days you have given him life on this earth. Thank you for providing this passion and this gifting in him, and this experience in Spain to explore, perform, create, inspire and grow into more of who you have purposed him to be. I know he is held and purposed and protected by You, and that you will provide precisely what he needs every single day. Give him strength, peace, rest, energy, enthusiasm, and determination to be the best version of himself that he can be. Thank you for what you have provided for him, and please bring him home safely to us. Amen and amen."</i></p><p>This is a part of my posture of thanksgiving that I have worked through over the years as a mother, and I will confess to you the early days when my babies were little, that I was more anxious, and I gripped life more tightly because I thought I had more control than I actually did. There is a beautiful maturing that occurs when we entrust our children more and more to the Father's hands. When we take more time to thank Him and lift them to Him, than we do fretting about how we should or should not be doing this thing called parenthood. I can't have complete peace and joy in my life, if I am not starting by thanking Him and entrusting everything to Him, the One who has provided all things. There is a shift in my heart and mind, my focus, my steps when I start with thanksgiving every single day. Not just for a season, but all year round. Here's your chance to set a new focus for your life by choosing to thank Him daily, through the day, for who He is and his abundant love and provision for your life.</p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-5083285375238214782021-10-14T11:21:00.000-05:002021-10-14T11:21:43.214-05:00New normal<p> I was thinking a few days ago, there are blocks of time since my Mom's diagnosis and since her beginning full time care in a memory care facility, that I am living in a new rhythm of life-a new 'normal'. It's not a 'normal' I would have expected about 9 years ago. 2012 was a year our family did not fully understand the direction we would be going in life. A job transition we didn't plan for hit us in 2011, and so we put our prayers, hopes, blood, sweat, and tears into doing whatever we could to ride it out. Entering 2012, we learned quickly the job market was not as healthy where we resided at the time, and as our parents were aging and facing health challenges, we found ourselves exploring the possibility of moving to the Springfield area. I'll be honest: we had dreams early on in our marriage to live and work and thrive outside of Missouri and didn't have an interest in coming back here. We are thankful, and we have been stretched and challenged and blessed by the opportunities God has provided for our family in Tennessee, Colorado and Indiana, but apparently He was preparing us for a doozy of an experience right back where we met in college all those years ago. If you had told me 10, 20 years ago we'd be doing this, and we would be experiencing the things we have, I wouldn't believe it and would probably come back at you pretty quick with, "No, that won't happen." How quick we are in a moment, to respond to something that would seem to us to be so hard to believe, because we are so hopeful that God is going to follow through and provide <i>precisely</i> what we want and what our great desire in this life is for ourselves, for our loved ones. How quick we are to respond by what comes to mind for us, rather than pausing to consider: <i>"What if God has something completely different for me?"</i> This is the moment in our spiritual posture we should be fully prepared for God to press in and whisper, <i>"Wait. Trust Me."</i> I admit there have been a lot of moments like this in my life that I didn't hear Him because I didn't want to. I let my heart lead and my emotions get the better of me, and I responded as if God was behind me, waiting for me to turn around and acknowledge His purpose for me. I didn't always fully accept that God is all around me, resides in me, He goes before me, walks beside me, and comes up behind me to ensure that as His precious and blessed child I will know beyond a shadow of a doubt: He is for me and His plans for me are good!</p><p>When my Mom's condition worsened, and we realized the time had come for us to find full time care for her, my hope and my trust in God was shaken but not broken. I could have chosen to wallow in despair, the realization that none of us-my Dad, my brother and myself-could take care of her or fix this for her was devastating. But God placed amazing and resourceful people in our lives to help us move through it and ultimately we were able to hear God's whisper through it, <i>"Wait. Trust Me."</i></p><p>As we watch the month of October unfold, and another holiday season approaches, we will find more of this new 'normal' sinking in. We will choose to trust in the God of the unexpected and the unknown, and we will trust His new 'normal' for us as it awakens us each new day.</p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-38234234754576059082021-06-29T11:56:00.005-05:002021-06-29T12:09:21.596-05:00Too Good to not Believe<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiELQFu43rEOw4cNsy7tWw5ghQm29godZBhKwZjrLvn2WfZomvunUMNLEuyM2uvVeQGx7s_q0WG0D2exFCc_Y_aEwBihyphenhyphendmwRN0imLC0oe4yl-EWvyM88zVaFHDQqMIyipRNWmU0d3cbA/s1051/Hope.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="620" data-original-width="1051" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiELQFu43rEOw4cNsy7tWw5ghQm29godZBhKwZjrLvn2WfZomvunUMNLEuyM2uvVeQGx7s_q0WG0D2exFCc_Y_aEwBihyphenhyphendmwRN0imLC0oe4yl-EWvyM88zVaFHDQqMIyipRNWmU0d3cbA/w400-h236/Hope.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p>Dry spells in writing can last what feels like an eternity, and honestly I struggle to write this now. I have been putting it off for several days, and my daughter actually inspired me to finally stop and just do it. She reminded me just last week of the welcome release and the therapy that comes with pouring out what we are experiencing in this life into writing. </p><p>I went with Dad to visit Mom on Sunday afternoon. The last few days have been burdensome for me. My heart is aching for my Mom all over again. I go through days of significant and just very heavy grief. It is like a haze has drifted over me and I struggle to just make small talk, to keep a happy face, to appear 'just fine' to everyone around me including my immediate family. I struggle to focus on conversations of just catching up with friends around me who are busy with their own lives/children/church/work/vacation/etc. I get tired of having to explain why, and when people ask how Mom is, the dreaded response is no different than the last time they asked. Same. No change. The disease is progressing. We are somehow managing. It's hard, but we are at peace with her being in full time care facility. We know it's best. We know God is taking care of her, and trust His provision through it all.</p><p>As I am saying those words, as I hear myself saying it to friends, coworkers, the random kind stranger in the grocery store line, I absolutely cringe. I don't like that we have no better news. I don't like what this disease is doing to her, and ultimately to our entire family. The weight of the grief, the slow growing grief is very real and can be nearly paralyzing. I learned at a very early age to determine to push on even in the most difficult, most painful moments of life. I learned that determination, that perseverance from my Dad. I have watched him go through a multitude of experiences, good and bad, and even when he didn't handle something as well as he could have-he owned it, he worked through it, he held fast to the God who has his heart, and he pressed on. I am witnessing that to this very day as we watch my Mom fade away more and more with the progression of this terrible disease.</p><p>I watched on Sunday afternoon with a grateful but sad heart, as they embraced and spoke to each other so lovingly. I thought for a brief moment, I wonder if she'll know him the next time he is here? The past two weeks she has not known Dad and as you can imagine, it's heartbreaking. </p><p>There is a battle raging in me, and I know it is for Dad, this battle between the mind and the spirit. The raw emotion of it-the anger, the heartache, the despair, wanting so desperately to fix this for Mom, to find a solution or a cure, something to turn this around and bring her back to us. And at the height of it, when the emotions have run their course, the tears stop and the mind is weary from it to the point of nearly numb..... When I am on the floor, in the absolute pit of it, and I realize my Father God is right there on the floor with me..... I realize He feels it, the sheer weight of it all, the agonizing reality that there is no reversing this, and so I can finally release and trust He has got this. I don't know what He is going to do, but I trust Him to do it. I can't explain it, except by faith. I can't convince you of it, except by faith. I'm struggling to get to my feet in this, but I am because I know He will. My heart is broken, but my spirit is not. My mind and my body are worn down, but my belief in the absolute truth that he is too good to not believe-that is immovable and that is what keeps me going. </p><p>Ryan shared this song with me last night and I know God timed it for just this very moment. I was working out and muted the sound to listen as he played it, and we both were in tears as the beautiful testimony poured out from the words sung by Cody Carnes. The song is 'Too Good to Not Believe'. It's a song of absolute testimony of the goodness of our God, of His miraculous provision, and our witness of it in this life. It is at this point in the song I found myself broken and fully aware of my need for my God:</p><p><i>'I can't resurrect a man with my own hands</i></p><p><i>But just the mention of Your name can raise the dead</i></p><p><i>All the glory to the only One who can</i></p><p><i>Jesus it's You, Jesus it's You!</i></p><p><i>I believe You're the wonder-working God</i></p><p><i>You're the wonder-working God</i></p><p><i>All the miracles I've seen</i></p><p><i>Too good to not believe</i></p><p><i>You're the wonder-working God</i></p><p><i>And You heal because You love</i></p><p><i>Oh the miracles we'll see</i></p><p><i>You're too good to not believe</i></p><p><i>Too good to not believe, Too good to not believe!'</i></p><p><br /></p><p>When Dad and I talk through these 'pit' moments of this entire experience, after we acknowledge all the ick of it, we always come back to this truth: </p><p>Our God is faithful and loving, He is with us, He never fails us and He will help us through it all. We have each other-thank goodness, but more than that: we have our God! He is with us in it and through it, and because of His peace that passes our understanding-we can keep going! </p><p>He's got this, He's got us, and He is absolutely too good to not believe. </p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-15617348413037995802021-04-05T23:49:00.001-05:002021-04-05T23:59:16.756-05:00Hope lost, Hope found...<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwbQvrMo3zD6c0jd8ZonuVOxrevZ7dh7n8brPk9llRWBSqL_h7pDMg4NB5HnaYbr68arE_p0m7T-ddFCk5auuCpE1JSwEuse_azGfCc-EqN0Ue7ZYUxx8_dj37ihpPj9AAnyXvt0G3rw/s600/hope+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwbQvrMo3zD6c0jd8ZonuVOxrevZ7dh7n8brPk9llRWBSqL_h7pDMg4NB5HnaYbr68arE_p0m7T-ddFCk5auuCpE1JSwEuse_azGfCc-EqN0Ue7ZYUxx8_dj37ihpPj9AAnyXvt0G3rw/s320/hope+%25281%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><i>Turn your eyes upon Jesus</i></p><p><i>Look full in His wonderful face</i></p><p><i>And the things of earth will grow strangely dim</i></p><p><i>in the light of His glory and grace...</i></p><p><br /></p><p>Spring is here, another beautiful Easter holiday has come and gone and I should have some enlightening, joy-filled quote, saying, blessing, statement to share here that fits the focus our faith is founded upon. I'm instead closing out another Monday following a tiring, emotional rollercoaster of a weekend as we press on and my Mom's condition worsens. The day you receive the news that your loved one has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's/Dementia marks the beginning of a very ugly and painful season of the human existence. It is one of the most difficult things I have every experienced, and quite honestly I find it to be nearly an undoing of my faith walk with God. I have not lost hope, but I have questioned the purpose my God has for this to linger for my Mom. In recent weeks, my brother and I and our families, and some very dear and loving friends, have done the hard work to help my Dad get them moved from one home to another. It is a smaller more manageable home, and it very close proximity to my brother and his family. I am just a 15 minute drive away, so all in all it's a blessing to see this come together for my parents the way that it has this year. This past weekend, I have cycled through what feels like another piece of the process, another layer of the grief, despair, maddening frustration I feel as we endure day after day of this horrible disease's dismantling of the woman I have known and loved from my birth. </p><p>Tonight, as I took the brief drive home from my parents' house, a song came up on my music app by Natalie Grant. It is a newly released live arrangement she did with the worship arts team at The Belonging Co. Church in Nashville, TN this year. First glance, I thought oh, it's probably just another lovely arrangement of the hymn I have known and loved all my life. Nope, God has perfect timing in a moment and with a song. This song, this thing met me in a moment I didn't know I needed and I was reminded of the perfectly powerful and potent presence of my God in my car tonight and as I pulled into my driveway and the garage door went up-the tears fell, my praise went up and the loving comfort of my Father came upon me. I have struggled for some time, wrestled in my mind and heart with God, asking Him what is the point of this disease that He is allowing to destroy my Mom little by little? I have agonized over the why, why would you let this happen to this amazing, kindhearted, abundantly loving, endlessly giving, absolutely joy-filled woman? Why God, haven't you healed her and made her whole-because I believe in miracles and I believe You are the God who can do the impossible! And then the depth of my fear hits me, one of the things that has brought me the greatest sense of despair through this....what if Mom doesn't know who God is anymore? What if she loses the ability to comprehend her own saving faith in Christ? How do I explain to her the sheer comfort of knowing the Savior, the One she can turn her eyes to and look to, and sense that fullness, the enveloping light of His full glory and grace? </p><p>I am more aware tonight than any other moment in my life, of how desperately I need the Lord. I have <b>no</b> control of what is happening to my Mom, and that loss of control, of thinking somehow we can fix this, we can figure this out, we can manage this ourselves-that realization is a force that can literally bring you to your knees. It's hard to get back up through this, there are days that leave me white-knuckled as I am gripping to what feels like the edge of a cliff over a very deep, dark, bottomless pit that will swallow me and I am likely to never climb out of. But somehow, as I am shaking in my last ounce of strength, squinting through the tears, gasping for breath and about to lose my grip....my God. Here He is, pulling me to His arms, fully embracing me when I think I've met an end. I can't comprehend why He allows this thing to linger, why my Mom has to go through this. I find myself often praying, "God please just take her home with you! Why does she have to endure another minute of this?!" And then there are moments, glimmers of her like I saw just tonight, in the sound of her voice, the way she said she loved me and the look in her eyes that I could tell for just a moment she did recognize me....and He spoke to me through those moments. He reminded me through that time with her, "This is why." So, instead of losing hope, somehow it is found once again because I turned my gaze to the Father and saw for a moment precisely why He does what He does for us in this life. It's enough for me for tonight, it is what has brought me to peace and release so that I can sleep. Thank you Father, for reminding me the strength and healing that comes from praising You even in the midst of my grief. You are faithful, loving, and never failing. </p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-38087254081228781332020-12-29T15:11:00.001-06:002020-12-29T15:12:05.304-06:00An unexpected turn<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGjOWDHNAoyHv9EUoej9zxzz0uCNU-gsln01HxMceSFVCHzoiy5HC07mkWCBcGeLJf_9iM_FZ_T45NX1zS2dSRTldq1U683PNmMZFQYLAChdZGRni_bxM01j0VNc_OFt25jm3eTSuG5g/s1080/Me+and+Mom.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGjOWDHNAoyHv9EUoej9zxzz0uCNU-gsln01HxMceSFVCHzoiy5HC07mkWCBcGeLJf_9iM_FZ_T45NX1zS2dSRTldq1U683PNmMZFQYLAChdZGRni_bxM01j0VNc_OFt25jm3eTSuG5g/w234-h234/Me+and+Mom.jpg" width="234" /></a></div><p><br /></p> 2020 is nearly done, so hard to believe. This year has been an experience that I cannot sum up with just one word. As I am writing this blog entry, my brain is a bit scattered, foggy, and although I slept good the last couple of nights-I'm more tired than I think I have ever been in my life. A few years back, my Dad started to notice some oddities in my Mom. Little things were forgotten, things that most of us would brush off as simply getting a bit older. This just comes with it right? I had noticed significant mood swings, delays in conversations with Mom a couple years after we moved back to Springfield in 2012 to be closer to family, to help with Ryan's folks as they both were facing health challenges and also for better job opportunities for both of us. As we approached my parents' 50th anniversary in 2019, that summer in particular we experienced some finality in terms of Mom's condition and had to learn to embrace a diagnosis: Dementia. We were thankful to see Mom connected with a good specialist and partnered with Dad to ensure he had the additional help he needed to support Mom as her condition progressed. If you have experienced a similar season with a loved one, I expect you're in tune with me now in terms of the slow growing grief that comes with having a parent suffering from Dementia. <p></p><p>Over this past year, I have witnessed a transformation in my Mom that is nothing short of heartbreaking. This woman who hoped and prayed for me, birthed me, raised me, nurtured and influenced me as a woman, wife, and mother ..... she is literally fading before my eyes. It is as if a stranger is taking my Mother's place, someone I no longer recognize. The joy in her voice, the light in her eyes, the kindness and love that bubbles out of her when you are just in the room with her ..... I am struggling to keep hold of that. I am not sure how to describe it, but it's like a warm and cozy blanket, slipping away from me and I am trying desperately to keep my grasp on it because I know if I let go then she is gone. I have been thinking over this holiday, memories randomly popping into my head of her and the simple things like having a conversation about my kids on the phone or baking something with her in the kitchen. Mom always had a monologue of advice for me, whether I wanted to hear it or not, she'd give it. So many times I responded with a sigh, and "I know, Mom". As a teenager that was always met with her response, "No, you don't know." And as I got older, I learned to appreciate and respond to her with greater patience and an acknowledgement of her knowing best. I am remembering the moments I was at my worst, and she was at her best. Late nights up praying for me, when I didn't know it. Hard conversations where I didn't respond to her and Dad because I was so absorbed in my own world and thought my only solution was to run away. I am thankful for the more recent years we have had, and conversations at the dinner table with Mom, before the Dementia started to take her away from me, in which I was able to look into her eyes, see her fully and say, " I am so thankful for you and for all you have given, how you have influenced me and encouraged me and advocated for me all my life. Thank you for being there for me, for loving me and supporting me through it all." I choose to believe deep down, where the Dementia cannot touch her, that is tucked away and she knows just how much I love her. </p><p>When I drove my Mom to the Dementia care program just a couple days ago, I struggled with how to tell her where we were going. She thought I was simply taking her home. God helped me find a way, and so I chose to tell her as we pulled into the parking lot, "Mom, we are just going to make a stop before going home. Okay?" She responded simply, "Oh, okay." She had a look on her face as if we were simply going to visit a friend or something, no idea what to expect. She didn't protest, she didn't ask me any questions, she simply sat looking out the window with her purse in her lap. As we parked, we both got out of the car, checked to make sure we both had what we needed, and I took her hand as we walked together to the front entry. The Director and two of her nursing staff were waiting for us at the door, and we were made to feel welcomed and supported right away. Mom didn't look at me or say a word to me, she greeted them with her sweet smile and kindness that we all know too well. For a moment, it felt like she was Mom. The emotional toll hit me and nearly put me on the ground as she stepped into the entry way and I had to call to her to say goodbye, because I could not go in with her due to COVID. She turned and looked at me with the expression of a curious child, wide-eyed but no recognition of me. I said, "Mom, I love you and I will see you soon. Okay?" and she simply said, "I love you too, okay" and turned to walk on in with the nurses. The brief conversation I had with the Director felt surreal and I struggled to focus as I stood there trying to control my sobbing, but I was able to hear her say "This is a very hard thing you are doing but it is a good thing for you and for your Mom. Go and get some rest and know that she is going to be okay." ( I am paraphrasing, honestly can't remember precisely what she said, but that's the nutshell.) As I turned and walked to my car, gasping for breath and sobbing, I couldn't imagine a worse feeling in that moment. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. I have experienced heartbreak in my life, but not like this. This was a brokenness I have not felt before. I cannot imagine how anyone experiences and endures this without God. I cannot imagine how I'll ever get through any of this without God. When I am in the pit of grief and struggling to deal with the reality of my Mom's condition, all I know to do is call on Jesus. I cannot explain it, but even in the worst moments I have experienced these past few days I know the hope of Christ. I know He is with me, and I have sensed His comfort and peace unlike any other time in my life before. </p><p>My Dad shared with me over the weekend in a late night conversation, about a season in his life when he was desperately clinging to hope and nearly lost his grip. He spoke about hope, grace and the realization of just what God has provided for us in our time on this earth. We cannot go through any season of this life alone, we truly need each other to share in the joys and sorrows that come our way. I am abundantly blessed and comforted to know the great circle of support and love surrounding me and my family. Thank you on behalf of my family, my brother Michael and my Dad especially, for walking with us through this. We love you and we are thankful for you. </p>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-67848775702343624452020-06-23T14:46:00.001-05:002020-06-23T19:31:02.521-05:00Confront, Lament, and RepentWhen is the last time you took responsibility for your sin? My devotional studies in recent weeks have spanned across themes of grace, forgiveness, rest, and this week it has focused in on acknowledging our sin. Not specifically something I did, or you did, but our sinful nature in and of itself. We think when a baby is born, so innocent, so undeserving of anything other than abundant blessings in this life... Yes, that is the hope and the prayer for every life that God brings into this world. But, every single human being is blessed and cursed upon entry into this world with free will and humanity in its fullness. God breathed, but enabled to act freely as the journey of life rolls out. We pray, we plan, we worry, we do everything we can possibly think of to ensure that precious life grows to become a thriving contributor to this life. There is no better gift as a parent, than to hear from someone how kind, how respectful, how confident in Christ my children are. This is evidence of Christ in us as parents being passed down to our children, and someday to their children, and so on. There is a pattern, for some it is healthy and for some it is not. <div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>It is shocking to me when I have had the unfortunate experience of witnessing someone blame everyone and everything for something they did or their child did. Where is the accountability? Why are we so quick to dismiss any acknowledgement of guilt? Why is it so difficult to admit we screwed up and we need to do better? Why are we so reluctant to confront each other and help each other be better people in this world? Everyone is so afraid to be seen as intolerant, judgemental, and discriminatory. So, what sets us apart if we just agree to go along with everything that everybody stands for? How does truth stand out in a sea of mediocrity and complacency?
We have a massive responsibility as Christ followers to live separate, strange lives on this earth. We are not home, this is not our home. It's so easy to get comfortable in it though, isn't it? Whether we have little or much, we as humans become accustomed very quickly to having certain things, we develop daily habits, we depend upon so many things that the world provides, and before we realize it we have become more reliant upon ourselves and what this world offers. Somehow without fully realizing it, Christ comes second. It is particularly difficult for me to witness on social media, the glaring statement people make about their lives and their focus by what they choose to post. I don't think we value the weight, the lasting impact of our words. Things that have been said, that cannot be retrieved. We are reminded in scripture of the value of our words, because what we say does flow from a place deep within. So, how much of our time are spending pouring our hearts out to God, working through the very things that burden us and then fuel our passion, BEFORE we actually speak? </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>When did we last confront, lament and repent? Confront yourself, the thing or things you've been squashing down, simply because you don't want to deal with it. Because if we are honest, it's a whole lot easier to point out someone else's faults than to bring our own to the light. Lament, meaning to grieve deeply over a loss. What have we lost? So much. There is a huge loss I think we are witnessing all around us, as so many have turned inward and the disconnect is making us behave outwardly in a way that is really quite ugly. Humanity at its worst and on full display. Repent. Bring it to light, call it out, deal with it, let it go, and then walk away from it. Never, ever return to it, EVER. I think we all can admit that we don't always do that, and we often return to that thing we simply couldn't let go of. We like to milk it for all its worth, particularly when something is done wrong to us by someone else. Let me just ask you this: Do you realize the reflection your life becomes of the thing you just can't let go of? What is it that has you so bound up? What is it that is ultimately blocking you from being absolutely who Christ created you to be in this world? How will you choose to turn it around and be the change that this world needs?
I am about 2 months in to a new job, and I'm still learning so much. I told someone recently, I am more tired now than I have ever been in my entire life. Life circumstances are a big contributor, but all that aside: this world is not my home and quite honestly I'm weary of this life and the way it is going 89.5% of the time. Anybody with me? Just being honest, I am spending a lot more time this year asking God a lot of questions, and hoping He doesn't notice how much more I am squirming, grunting, moaning and sometimes screaming my way through it. I know He's got a plan and a purpose for it all, but I'm ready for some light at the end of the tunnel. The waiting....the wading or sometimes just barely keeping my nose above the water....it's frustrating and exhausting.
All I know to do, when I don't know what else to do, is pray. More often lately, I'm saying very little and listening a lot more. I think it's actually what He prefers. I know He wants to hear from me, what's on my heart and mind, but I know He longs to simply hold us and comfort us. I think it's because more often, what we need most is to just be in His presence. Just be. It doesn't solve the day's problems, but it resolves something in me. It's not a quick fix, but it is a re-set of my heart and mind on what matters most. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>When everything else fails, give me Jesus. He is all I need. There's a song that came out recently by Natalie Grant, "Your Presence is My Weapon", and man, it meets a need for me on a whole lot of levels right now in my life. It's God-breathed, and I know it has been a blessing to anyone who has heard it since its release. I encourage you to take some time this week to listen and add it to your music library. Scripture from my devotional study yesterday, presses into me this need for a broken spirit, a broken heart. It's the sacrifice our God longs for, to be broken and repentant for our own condition and for each other. So, whatever your condition today, consider this action toward a new focus: Confront, lament, and repent. Steep yourself fully in the greatest weapon you hold: His Presence! He will strengthen, guide, sustain, protect and provide for you every step of the journey yet ahead. Let's do this together. I can't do it alone, and neither can you. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><i>'The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.' Psalm 51:17
</i></div>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-12869783079952268402020-06-10T16:57:00.000-05:002020-06-10T16:57:03.040-05:00Enter His RestGod’s promise of entering His rest still stands, so we ought to tremble with fear that some of you might fail to experience it. Hebrews 4:1
I just wrapped up a very timely devotional study today for the week, “The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry” by John Mark Comer. Each day’s focus has been about what is not compatible with Hurry. Peace and Rest were particularly difficult for me to really soak up. 2020 is proving to be a year of great intensity for me. I am nearing completion of week #6 of my new job and my Mom’s Dementia has grown increasingly worse. It’s hard to explain just how heavy it feels mentally and physically, how absolutely draining it is when I get to the end of the day. I feel completely inadequate, and I find myself apologizing to Ryan and the kids often. I am finding out I have limitations, that there is only so much one person can do with the responsibilities they have been given in this life. It’s not the first time I have had to stare into the mirror at myself and realize, “I can’t keep up this pace. What am I doing?”
God’s purpose is unique to each of us. And I believe it’s important for each of us to recognize that purpose doesn’t change, but as we embrace it and journey through this life, God has given us free will to find our own balance as we strive to fulfill that purpose. First thing we need to acknowledge: Purpose is lifelong. It is not a sprint, it is more like a marathon. I would even go so far as to say, it is a deliberate and steady walk. There is a reason that the scriptures specifically speak of us walking with Christ, and Christ walking with us. I can’t recall anytime we are told we have to run, or race to keep up with Him. The Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years, John the Baptist spent many years living in the wilderness and preaching throughout Judea before the familiar passage of Jesus’ baptism, and Jesus himself spent 40 days in the wilderness as we read the familiar passage of the temptations Satan hurled at Him and were ultimately resisted. I think we have some perspective to gain here, when we stop to consider what’s been stripped away from us these past few months, and that this has been what can be described as a timely wilderness of sorts for us all!
So I have been chewing on, meditating on, and trying to settle my brain on a better perspective. A restful and grateful posture, a daily life habit of worshipping my Father God, and praying for the sake of just simply telling God, “Lord, I am so tired and I’ve got nothing left in me. I need You!”
He is offering to show us His way, to teach us with humility and grace, because it’s the best way. And when we hear Him, when we trust Him, when we obey Him, we will be at rest as He intends. The rest He established when He created the world. When He created us. Let’s find it together!
Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-28550205342780787782020-03-03T09:46:00.001-06:002020-03-03T09:46:17.154-06:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQyyUQ3b6BtmtOYWEfHo38A7OjPYKJNFk1r0B8sqQR_v_G2udRzRH-fCB5GjTziMcxB1hyphenhyphen5Gk_bn4VH5LzuefYxQZYp51ZEZ_8ofc4KTUtJGggLetfTZs2Raa_xbHGam8njpiD0JitZQ/s1600/image+of+the+cross.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQyyUQ3b6BtmtOYWEfHo38A7OjPYKJNFk1r0B8sqQR_v_G2udRzRH-fCB5GjTziMcxB1hyphenhyphen5Gk_bn4VH5LzuefYxQZYp51ZEZ_8ofc4KTUtJGggLetfTZs2Raa_xbHGam8njpiD0JitZQ/s320/image+of+the+cross.jpg" width="320" height="213" data-original-width="425" data-original-height="283" /></a></div><br />
'Jesus, Jesus, You make the darkness tremble,<br />
Jesus, Jesus, You silence fear'<br />
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I was reading in my devotional study this morning about the power of these 2 words regarding what Christ did for us:<br />
<br />
Upon Him<br />
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The intention of that phrase, of what Christ came to do for every single one of us. He took it all upon Himself for us, every sin, everything for us. He took the ridicule, He took the judgement, He took the punishment, He took it all upon Himself so that we would not ever have to endure any of it that we so deserve. How do we fully comprehend the enormity of this love? How do we fully express our gratitude?<br />
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I started a new online Bible study by Max Lucado last night about Jesus, and I can tell already it is just what I needed. It's a beautiful and powerful reminder of Who He is to me, to this world, to us His wondrous creation. Even in the depths of this experience my Mom is going through, I have no greater comfort than to go straight to the Source of all hope. If I didn't have Jesus, I'd be spiraling downward very quickly right now. I am thankful He is with me and He is with my Mom through it all. I am thankful for the love, the power, the peace that comes over me in the name of Jesus. <br />
<br />
As we begin to reflect upon the life of Jesus in the weeks ahead leading to Easter, I am more aware now than at any other time in my life just how much I need a Savior. How does my life reflect that gratitude daily? How is my life an abundant tribute to our God for what He has done for us through His Son?<br />
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'Your name is a light that the shadows can't deny<br />
Your name cannot be overcome<br />
Your name is alive forever lifted high<br />
Your name cannot be overcome'<br />
<br />
(Tremble, Mosaic MSC)Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-17776300963690301532020-02-10T13:03:00.000-06:002020-02-10T13:03:26.639-06:00The road ahead.....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiwXBHpyflKMyAiwjp1UXGc7mlR4eOwD5EUmGTNnRQ3CEabLuN35ZXTowzFVtJtJroy01M2RyRdC8f4U6M68NdqwhGElaTda06gollNCD1cfxWyQycpE2XQAlsnmCFYxf7tctj5Umagg/s1600/bumpy+road.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiwXBHpyflKMyAiwjp1UXGc7mlR4eOwD5EUmGTNnRQ3CEabLuN35ZXTowzFVtJtJroy01M2RyRdC8f4U6M68NdqwhGElaTda06gollNCD1cfxWyQycpE2XQAlsnmCFYxf7tctj5Umagg/s320/bumpy+road.jpg" width="320" height="213" data-original-width="600" data-original-height="400" /></a></div><br />
Here comes mid-February 2020, how can that be? It feels like time is practically running me over, as the New Year whizzes by day after day. Ryan and I just celebrated 25 years of marriage in December, and we are in the last couple years of our 40’s ….. Wow! I remember when my folks were this age, and thought that was a long way off for me. As we completed 2019 and enter 2020, we are in a new season of transition. We completed a wonderful season of ministry with Story Church, so thankful to have been part of this loving church family and help launch a new church plant in the Springfield/Rogersville area. As Ryan is grinding away at his IT Degree at MSU, and we look down the New Year ahead of us, we have more questions than answers, but we know this for certain: God is preparing the way for our next steps in this extraordinary life He has given us.<br />
<br />
In the last couple years, we have adjusted to a new level of busy in our family with a husband and 2 kids in college, helping with both our parents’ health issues, and figuring out precisely what it is God has for us in ministry. We started feeling somewhat “unsettled” in late 2018/early 2019, particularly as our children (Rylee, Bailey and AJ) were all experiencing some growing pain in their faith. This was a new thing for Ryan and I, having been Pastor’s kids ourselves and our generation just went to the same church where our parents served in ministry. Not so for our kiddos! We have always encouraged them to explore and listen to God’s leading in their faith walk, and so to hear them express their interest in finding something more and seeking a place for themselves was new, different, and refreshing. But it also created a bit of a challenge in terms of navigation. This was not a process we approached lightly or tackled in one family meeting. It was something we had to work through over many months, and it required flexibility on everyone’s part because we had to coordinate this with 2 vehicles. This has been a unique and growing experience for us all, because we have done it completely different than our parents’ did with us. Not that one is better than the other, just different. As a parent watching your children express their desire to grow in their faith and find a church with a student ministry that provides that fulfillment, it is not an easy part of the road of life to navigate. Nobody likes being put under a microscope, and as a pastor’s kid I felt that and honestly resented my parents for it immensely. I didn’t like feeling like everyone was watching me and judging me because I was the pastor’s daughter. The teen years are hell, and the mind of a teenager is an intense battlefield where the greatest enemy is yourself. Years later thankfully I could be honest with my parents about this, but it was difficult at the time for me to admit to them because I didn’t want to disappoint them and adopted the perspective that I should simply do what was expected of me and get through it. I can look back now and see moments I enjoyed being a PK, I loved the experiences my Dad had and our family had serving on mission trips and the extended family we had with his leadership/staff team at each church where God called him. Lifelong friendships that have remained even today with people who influenced and mentored me in my faith journey. I was not able to appreciate any of it then, but as I have grown up I have learned to count my blessings and all that God provided along the way.<br />
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I am thankful for my best friend, my partner, my husband Ryan to walk through this season of life together. I was reminded Sunday morning as my son AJ stood between us in worship with his hands lifted high to our amazing Provider God: this is what matters. Right now. To be seated in His presence and participating fully in the life He has given us. I can think back to moments in my teen years, in my college years, in my young married years, and in my middle-aged years, when I found myself in a blurry complacent life-flow. I let time pass with an attitude of just wanting to get through it, or consumed by thoughts of “if-only”. Time wasted. I am seeing through fresh eyes as our children grow into adulthood how truly precious our time is to make an impression that is life-altering and soul-changing. I don’t want my children to see me living life in a way that says I’m done, I’m settling, I’m compromising and the status quo is okay with me. God gave us this life to live set apart and not like the masses on this earth. Sometimes we mess up, we are human and we are going to mess up often. We acknowledge that with our children, we talk openly and hold each other accountable, talk through this process of doing life the best we know how.<br />
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So, as we launch into the days ahead, we trust God’s hand upon us all and we look forward to what He is going to do in and through us for His Kingdom purpose. I urge you and encourage you to set your mind on Christ first each day because it makes the bumps in the road a bit easier to navigate when we fully trust the One who is at the steering wheel. Here’s to the road ahead!<br />
Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-40903350803683993542019-12-20T15:11:00.001-06:002019-12-20T16:15:29.875-06:00Surrender<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFseQH7898yrMzUSvO0y0kEJqNxBHdBZW-W1qqZtJctfIpHuc0HkvkzhgVSbTLKxeUeoeGDJfBuZMv7ncBQRGmCIMQ-12wyAtadqasu9H-Ct-5HtnxciBFIxVUwulMGtAxnDbQiwxYuQ/s1600/open+hand.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFseQH7898yrMzUSvO0y0kEJqNxBHdBZW-W1qqZtJctfIpHuc0HkvkzhgVSbTLKxeUeoeGDJfBuZMv7ncBQRGmCIMQ-12wyAtadqasu9H-Ct-5HtnxciBFIxVUwulMGtAxnDbQiwxYuQ/s320/open+hand.jpg" width="320" height="214" data-original-width="1200" data-original-height="803" /></a></div><br />
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‘<i>None of us surrenders just once, or ever quite surrenders all. On this side of eternity, we will never be done with surrender because it’s not a one-time decision for us. It’s a commitment to a lifestyle. Every day will bring us a new opportunity to offer our surrender to God and to let something go. And we’ll keep on giving over to God things we thought we released to him fully once-and-for-all but didn’t. Not because we didn’t want to--because we couldn’t yet.'</i><br />
<i>(I Give Up: The Secret Joy of a Surrendered Life, 5 day devotional study plan by Laura Story)</i><br />
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Surrender is not easy. It is an action, a posture that does not come naturally. I think most of us like to hold tight to what we have in this life, what we have accomplished, what we have worked so hard to achieve. Even after we find new life in Christ, and as we navigate this journey of life in faith, it is difficult to fully trust and give over everything to our God. It is a necessary daily release we must adopt, and as quoted above “it’s a commitment to a lifestyle”. My word, I look back at the way I have behaved in so many experiences…I was holding on with white knuckled grip to what I thought was rightfully mine! When life is difficult, and it doesn’t go exactly the way we had hoped and dreamed it would, we can very quickly get stuck in a rut. The rut can get comfy if we let it. The key here is to acknowledge what we cannot handle, what is beyond our control and release it. When we choose surrender, then we can move forward. Then, we can know and experience the full blessing that is ours in Christ. Our circumstances may not change for a time, but we must change in order to grow and know His full and complete purpose for our lives.<br />
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Disappointment is certain, but not final. People will fail us, but God will not. The joy of the Lord is our strength, He is our shield, He upholds us with His righteous right hand….I know I am mashing together several scriptures there, but oh the depths of His love and abundant blessings for us!<br />
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Life hits so hard, surrender is the last thing on my mind, and my reaction is often anger and frustration, I just want to shove my way through it to the other side and throw my hands up in victory! But, I am finding that’s not always the best way to respond. I need more humility, more patience, I need to release my grip and surrender to God’s authority over all things. He is a good Father, a just God, and a loving Savior. I need to trust Him more, and set myself in a posture of surrender to Him daily. Some days I just don’t do that well, I fail miserably. I am thankful for the reminder that His mercies are new every morning. That is a promise I cling to and claim gladly every single day.<br />
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As 2019 comes to a close, I am feeling a mixture of sheer exhaustion and overwhelming gratitude. Ryan and I are in the midst of a transition, for which we would greatly appreciate your prayers. He is making great progress toward his Bachelor’s Degree in Information Technology at MSU, just celebrated 7 years with O’Reilly Corporate Office as an Accounts Specialist, and coming to a close on his position as Worship Pastor at Story Church. We are incredibly thankful and blessed to have served at Story, the community and the fellowship of believers has been such a comfort and a joy to our family. We are seeking, praying, exploring new opportunities in the area and looking forward to what God has in store for us next in worship ministry. I am about to celebrate 3 years in February 2020 at MU Springfield Clinical Campus, and so thankful for my position there with the team. It has been such a great program to be part of, seeing and supporting our up and coming future physicians. Rylee is making great progress toward her Bachelor’s Degree in Secondary Education to eventually teach High School English. She has worked very hard, accomplished so much and we cannot wait to see her graduate and step into what she is most passionate about doing with her life. Bailey just finished his first semester as a Vocal Performance/Opera student at MSU working toward his Bachelor’s Degree. AJ and Chloe are both staying busy with their studies in Willard Schools, 9th grade and 3rd grade, and as of today they are officially on Christmas Break. After the activities and the schedules of the semester have ceased, and it is just the 6 of us at home, I can think of no better way to describe it than Mama’s joy. <br />
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I am thankful for the journey, how far we have come and look forward to what is yet ahead. I am thankful my children know they are loved, that they love the Lord and share that love with their friends. I am thankful for my husband Ryan, his love for the Lord, his love and commitment to this family, his determination to finish what he started and his heart’s cry and calling for worship ministry. As our family prepares for the Christmas season and the New Year, please join us in praying for these three things to abound:<br />
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Faith, Hope and Love……..the greatest of these is Love!<br />
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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Freeman family to yours!<br />
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<i>(Scripture references: Psalm 28:7, Isaiah 41:10, 1 Corinthians 13:13) <br />
</i>Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1875423062027585894.post-79814535279583396712019-11-13T11:30:00.000-06:002020-02-10T15:29:19.364-06:00My Anchor, My Hope<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jQKAMP_oeG4/Xcw7OCnSCNI/AAAAAAAABI0/-eiy0F9ws-0dBeFe8vioXxAbFfos9gelQCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/anchor%2Bholds%2B2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jQKAMP_oeG4/Xcw7OCnSCNI/AAAAAAAABI0/-eiy0F9ws-0dBeFe8vioXxAbFfos9gelQCPcBGAYYCw/s320/anchor%2Bholds%2B2.jpg" width="320" height="180" data-original-width="1500" data-original-height="844" /></a></div><br />
As we are fast approaching the holidays, I intend for this to be my last blog entry for the year 2019. If I could look back on this year and sum up my attempted focus it would be this:<br />
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Be Still.....<br />
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My family is a busy one, schedules all over the place with a husband and our 2 olders in college, 2 youngers at home, and me trying to somehow keep the plates spinning. I am amazed as I witness Ryan's determination and intense effort to complete his bachelor's degree. It has been a long, hard, very interesting twisted road but you are doing it, my Love! I have found it necessary this year to take more time to be still, be quiet, be seated in restful and focused time with my Father God. I have scaled back from doing as much as I did in years past, and so I have spent more time reading, meditating, praying, and just being still. I am so tired. So incredibly tired and worn from this current season. I have asked God quite often this year, <i>"Why does this have to happen right NOW?"</i> I hear it said, <i>"His timing is perfect!"</i> and yet, I want to throw up my hands and shout at Him, <i>"Really?! How is this perfect timing?!"</i><br />
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<i>"Lord, I don't know how to help Ryan through this. I know how hard this is for him, how much work he is doing, and I see how stressed out he is. Help him push forward, Lord, help him to see it through!"<br />
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"God, why is my Mom struggling with this, this thing called Dementia? I can't take another moment of seeing it in her face....the disconnect. She is fading, disappearing from us a little bit more every day."<br />
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"Father, I am not up for it today. I don't think I have it in me to get out of this bed. How bad would it be if I stayed right here?"</i><br />
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I could go on and on, sharing some of the many thoughts, prayers, wanderings of my mind on a day to day basis. You can probably relate on some level to the struggle. These thoughts, prayers, wanderings of my mind threaten to overwhelm and consume me but the shift comes when I find His hand reaching for me to pull me back. He pulls me back to a focus on His hope, His peace beyond my own comprehension. His new mercies each and every day. His promise to take care of me today, and loving reminder to let go of my worries for what lay ahead and just trust Him. Why? Because, He is God. How? I have no idea honestly, except for Christ in me. There is no human explanation, it is supernatural really. I started an online study recently about this intentional shift and focus on living a life of thanksgiving and joy. Regardless of what I have experienced, the choice is mine at all times to begin with a focus on what God has given. Not material things, not things that are measured by the world's standards as fulfilling. Nothing compares to the love of our God, to His higher and greater purpose. Joy is found when we begin by thanking Him not for what we expect or want, but for what He did for us thousands of years ago. <br />
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<b>This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls... (Hebrews 6:19 NLT)</b><br />
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I know I have this hope deep in my soul, because it has kept me from losing it completely on many days. I am thankful to my family, and to my dear friends, the grace and accountability they have extended to me especially in some of my worst moments. This is God's perfect provision, perfectly timed for me. The circle and the cycle of thanksgiving to joy continues. <br />
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In the still moments, in the chaotic moments, in the blissful moments, I am thankful for the Hand that holds me fast throughout. The God who anchors me. Andrea O. Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04679878866468671957noreply@blogger.com0