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Showing posts from 2014

This Child.....

I wasn’t going to blog again this year but I had an itch today and couldn’t resist. I have been thinking today about this season, the reason we celebrate, or more specifically the reason we have such inspired focus. I find myself at very ordinary moments the last few weeks drawn into the experience of Mary, the mother of Jesus. Some of that pull comes naturally from being a Mom myself, but the gut wrenching reality hits me when I stop in the middle of a song I’ve heard and also sung several times, “Breath of Heaven” by Amy Grant, and try to absorb what she must have felt. How did she go day to day carrying this gift, this Child that came about through such extraordinary circumstances? Did she have to slow her thoughts down, did she get overwhelmed just thinking about the depth of her role as the mother of the Son of God, the Savior of mankind? I wonder how many nights she found herself overwhelmed with joy and praise to our Father God, and then suddenly in a sobbing puddle of te…

Stop and listen, His Word is for you....

It never fails. After Halloween, the schedule and the pace gets bit busier, more frantic-at work, at school, at church, at home there is just not enough time in the day to do everything that is on the list of things to accomplish. This year I have more on my plate than in past years, and it is amazing how saying yes to just one or two more things has resulted in more spreading myself thin than I’d originally intended. This past weekend was no exception. I helped with the Project Graduation garage sale setup and event Friday and Saturday. Saturday the usual errands and a few more for the holiday season kept us going until well into the evening. Sunday was an amazing day of worship with our church family, then a fun lunch/movie event for our children’s department, and the snow falling was just the fresh burst I needed to get a little bit of decorating done at home. We all got cozy and enjoyed a board game, then some dinner and a favorite TV program to end the weekend. Oh and I m…

Weary but wondrous journey.....

Rounding out the dental cleanings for the Freeman family this year is me, and so thankful to hear our dentist say this morning, “Excellent checkup!” I am thankful for no surprises there. We’ve had enough surprises this year, thank you very much. Life is like that though, completely unpredictable. You can plan your whole life for your education, your career, your marriage and family, thinking when you meet and accomplish each goal you’ve got it made. So when something doesn’t go the way you expected, how do you handle the train suddenly being de-railed? How do you handle it when your train is de-railed for awhile, perhaps years? You are left with no choice but to pack up what you can carry for the journey, and walk on. I feel like in some ways Ryan and I are still doing just that, walking on. Our train hasn’t quite gotten back on the tracks but we are rebuilding it and preparing it for the day we can see the restoration complete and the train start rolling once again. I am fi…

A Holy habit....

Is anyone else as stunned as I am that September has come and gone? How can that be? October is here and inevitably you know that means the holidays are going to come barreling toward us at a very fast pace. School began, our schedule is just a bit trickier this year as if having one vehicle wasn’t challenging enough. Just to give you an idea of what the typical week is like for me, well, here is it in a nutshell:

5:30am My alarm goes off and I hit the snooze button typically an average of 3 times. Somewhere between 6:00-6:10 am I drag myself out of bed and stumble to the restroom.

6:45am the older two kiddos are heading out the door to catch the bus for the middle/high school. Coffee is on by now, and I’m well into my morning prep routine for the work day.

7:00ish am—Ryan gets Chloe up and dressed, and she rolls over back to sleep in our bed, and next is getting AJ out of bed and ready for the day. Hopefully by 7:05am he is up and eating some breakfast. Hopefully.

7:20 am-my …

Steps in faith...

To the valley, for my soul,
Thy great descent has made me whole.
Your word my heart has welcomed home,
Now peace like water ever flows.


How do I seek You, Lord? Where do I find that peace and rest in You? What more do I need to do in my daily walk with You to know You more, love You more, serve You more?
I’ve been on this journey toward a more fluid Christ walk for some time now, at times so restless to find a place of content that will signal my heart, my mind, my soul, “Ah, yes, there it is. I have arrived!” I see this contentedness in others whose faith I have admired for so long, those who appear to have a deeper and more intimate connection with the Father than I do yet. Please don’t misinterpret what I’m getting at here, as I know it probably makes me sound as if somehow I am comparing myself as a Christian with other Christians who seem to have it far better than I at this point in my life. Not quite, and in fact, it is an admiration from afar I’d call it. I see the love…

Finding my way to being "in the middle" of His will...

I read a great article today, confirmed some things in me. Most of you know by now but if you don’t, Ryan and I have an intense and very full schedule trying to balance full time work for us both, 2 part time jobs for him on top of that, 4 children in 4 different schools, balancing our time individually with God, each other, our family, extended family, and our church family and friends. There is community among us as family, friends, believers in Christ and there is necessity, responsibility and fellowship to be honored between us all to find ourselves at the end of our lives on this earth hopefully in a place of content and peace knowing we lived and served well. If you aren’t weary after reading that, well, I am. When I take a long look at my 42 years of life so far, what I have done, what I am doing now and what I have yet to accomplish ahead, I am tired in both good and bad ways. It is particularly tricky to balance a part time bi-vocational ministry position when we have so…

Search me, know me, test me……

Psalm 139 is on my heart today, just mulling it over in my heart and soul, pondering, “What does God have to speak into my life through this meditative scripture?” Break it down, here’s a sum up of what this chapter speaks:

He knows me…
He is with me…
He made me…
He will deliver me…


Verse 23 of the Voice translation of the Bible says this and it is my prayer this week:

Explore me, O God, and know the real me. Dig deeply and discover who I am. Put me to the test and watch how I handle the strain.

I can just imagine sitting with David while he scratched out the words, pleading, crying out to God, because isn’t this what we long for the entirety of our journey with Christ? To be known fully by Him and to know Him more?

As I walked yesterday across campus on my lunch break, I prayed unceasingly, “Lord, move in this place, move in my heart to be more of you in this world!”

I’m heartbroken this week for many reasons, and it’s hard to miss when the stories are blasted in the media headline…

Life, precious life

Yesterday was a very special day in the Freeman family...we welcomed a new niece Miss Joslyn Reece to the world! I can't think of a better way to kick off my day today than to blog about this thing called life. Life. It is meant to be appreciated, cherished, valued, lived fully and with immense joy! I remember the day we welcomed our first born daughter Rylee Ashton into the world, and it seemed as if nothing and nobody else mattered in that moment: life kind of stopped. Everything was a whole lot brighter, softer, more fragile, more precious. Fast forward to the day we welcomed our fourth child into the world, Miss Chloe Grace, and I remember feeling some of the same things, but then on the way home as I stared into her beautiful eyes, something heavy hit my heart like a ton of bricks. I just wept. I'm talking sobs, ugly cry, the kind of crying that you are so glad you aren't wearing any makeup and you need a kleenex box because your nose is running like crazy, a…

Holy Spirit....Come....

I’m walking, I’m filling my lungs with oxygen as I breathe in, breathe out, work through my exercise routine of sorts, allow the Holy Spirit to flow through my heart, my mind, my soul, and wrap me in a cloud of sweet peace.

Yes, that’s what He does.

Every single day….
Never far away….
Cradling my heart as I release my hurt….
Embracing His hope, as I hear Him say……
I am here, here with you, my child!
I am here, here to stay.
Come and draw near to Me,
Come and rest in this peace….
I am here….
I am here!

John 14:26The Message (MSG)
25-27 “I’m telling you these things while I’m still living with you. The Friend, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send at my request, will make everything plain to you. He will remind you of all the things I have told you. I’m leaving you well and whole. That’s my parting gift to you. Peace. I don’t leave you the way you’re used to being left—feeling abandoned, bereft. So don’t be upset. Don’t be distraught.

As I was walking back to my office, I found mys…

God setting things right, finding my way on this journey of faith...

For the life of my fourth-born child, Chloe Grace, God has been slowly unraveling me and breaking my heart and my soul down into something new. I have realized in that time through a lot of every day, not so monumental, but occasionally revealing moments with Him that I've gotten in the way of my own potential. He's been whispering something new into my heart for several months now. It is hard to put it into words, mainly because He has spoken so clearly to me that the time isn't right. This is a work, a new work in me that is very much in progress. I have dreams, aspirations, some I've shared over the years, my passion and interest in therapy/counseling, my appreciation and deep love for the mentoring of young women, and a passion for worship ministry beside my amazing and gifted husband. There's such a world, endless world of possibilities imagining what God could do next in our lives.

He pointed me to Romans, twice now in the past month. This pointed i…

The Same Ground

I was reading in Ephesians 3 this morning, Paul reminds us that unbelievers and believers alike stand on the same ground before God, have the same access to His presence. How then does that affect our approach to our God? How are we preparing our hearts and minds as we enter the mission field every single day of our lives, knowing we are no better or worse than the average person we cross paths with at any given moment?

No matter who you are, your status in life, your experiences, your education, your failures, your successes—we all have the same access to an amazing and powerful, loving and merciful God! I don’t care if you have memorized the entire Bible, or you are lucky to remember a few verses that were in your devotional this morning….so you didn’t get a devotional time in today, or perhaps it has been weeks since you spent time with the Father….you’ve wandered away from Him, something happened that you’ve decided God doesn’t get me, He doesn’t understand me and my life, He…

The blessing and burden of a worship arts pastor

Ephesians 1:11 ….As His heirs, we are predestined to play a key role in His unfolding purpose that is energizing everything to conform to His will.


I am proud to be a pastor’s daughter, and even more proud to be the wife of a worship pastor. God has a great sense of humor, because not only did he pair two first born’s and pastor’s kids, but he paired two different personality types who have an intense passion for worship leadership. At a very young age, the age of 9 to be precise, my passion for music truly took flight. I had my first solo in our children’s choir performance of “The Music Machine” at our church in Lompoc, California and I was hooked. I love singing, but what makes it effortless and like breathing to me, is when I use it to give God glory and the focus isn’t on what I’m doing but what I am giving to Him through this gift He’s given me. There is no greater joy for me than to lead worship beside my amazing husband. He is a deeply humble, passionate, and transparen…

Mother's Day 2014

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh


It is difficult but not impossible to remember what life was like before I had children. Becoming a mother encompasses so much of me, and it is such a large part of who I am. It is not what defines me but it is what drives me so much of the time. I suppose when my children are grown and have lives of their own, that may change. I believe my confidence in being a mother is in large part due to my love and experiences caring for children starting with those first opportunities as a teenager babysitting. I am blessed by the gift of being a mother to four amazing children in my time on this earth. I hope and pray my children take this with them through life, so here is what’s on my heart for each of you this Mother’s Day, 2014:

1. God is for you, and when everyone and everything else is against you—Stand firmly and c…

To live as Christ

How then shall we approach the remainder of this year ahead of us? With an attitude bent toward settling for less than what Christ has purposed you for? You know the attitude I’m talking about. How many people do you know right now, today, who are comfortable being miserable? Who have adopted the attitude that my misery is all I’m ever going to have, so I’ll wear it on my sleeve for all to see. Who have decided that this is as good as it’s ever going to get, I should just accept my circumstances as my fate being determined and make the most of it. Who have chosen to assume the lies being fed to their heads and hearts is their destiny, and it can’t possibly get any better. That mindset may be due to something that happened to that person, to root them in doubt and despair, to distract them from their full purpose and worth. I have been there, and I have struggled with this very thing. It can become like an article of clothing you wear, like an invisible covering. Invisible to…

Simply rest, Simply ready....

What if….? Why…? How…? Lord, I just don’t understand. Help me to understand!

I was thinking today about what my approach to the Cross of Christ will be this Easter. Easter aside, I ponder this daily. Not as often as I should, because there are days like today when I wake up fully intending to focus on Christ and His purpose for my life as soon as my feet stumble across the floor. I have been burdened, restless about something for weeks now and I believe God is moving, stirring in my heart and my life. It is new, and it is only a whisper from Him. It is a stirring that I have experienced in my heart and soul before, in my early days of summer missions in Missouri and Hawaii, mission trips to Salt Lake City, Utah, to Barbados, and innumerable outreach events with our churches over the years. I want to be His light in the lives of those around me who need help so desperately. I don’t want to become so focused on what is on my to-do list for the day, the week and the year ahead…

Spring is here!

The tease of a warm Spring day here and there, that's all I need to give me that feeling of renewal. You can feel it, smell it, sense that new sense of expectancy, that something new and amazing is yet to come. I'm an optimist so I have always looked at life with the belief that something even better is right around the corner. I don't dwell on the negatives, the challenges, I simply focus on what I can do to work through it and get beyond it.

2014 is testing the very depths of my beliefs. I've been wrestling with a lot these last few years, and I'm still uncertain about so much. I know God is good, He is my Savior and my King, and all things are possible through Him and because of Him! I also know that life is not kind, it is not going to ever be predictable, and often times I will find myself falling more than I'm able to succeed. I have a better grasp on the truth that God allows the tough things to occur to test and strengthen my faith, my obedienc…

Freedom through obedience: The hard but right choice

I am not letting go until You bless me!

Genesis 32:22-32 Jacob wrestles with an angel of God.

Have you found yourself at a place in your life, where you have felt like you are wrestling with God? I have! I am very strong willed, stubborn and outspoken and I tend to go at life with determination. I like for everything to be in its place and organized. I am fairly flexible when change comes, map out a new plan, adjust and move forward. I will not fail, I will not back down. I am determined. Did I say that already? Yep. So, I can identify with the story of Jacob because in some ways I have found myself wrestling over one thing or another in my life when it comes to God's purpose for me. I know what I'm capable of, what my skills and my gifts are. I get my mind made up, pray it over with God and when He gives the green light I don't slow down. I'm on a path, I am moving forward. What happens when the circumstances of life throw us off our path, our certainty is…

Shift

I can't deny it, as much as I'd like to say I can ride it out and claim it's all good, not having any trouble over here, life is good. Life is hard, it is painful, it is stressful, and it is just plain impossible some days to deal with everything coming at me. The past few weeks have been some of the hardest days of my life. I was a bit reluctant but at the same time felt very strongly that God wanted me to go with a group of ladies for our church women's retreat, Women's Encounter. The week leading up to the retreat, was hell. I know the other ladies in my group will tell you the same, satan was gunning for us to the very last moment before we stepped into the vehicles to head out. Though we struggled, we all agreed and encouraged one another through that week to stay on course, not give up, reminding one another we needed this retreat and it was a specific time that God had appointed for each one of us. The retreat was amazing, brutal but amazing. I came …

Truth is: Obedience is hard....

'Sin's masterpiece of hopelessness is overshadowed by God's masterpiece of forgiveness and mercy.' (Bible App study plan-Billy Graham's The Reason for my Hope)

This week has been brutal and the main reason I know is because I am headed to the Women's Encounter retreat this coming weekend. The enemy would love nothing more than to dance upon my weakness and make me think I am unable and unworthy of going to experience what he himself knows will surely be an amazing and necessary experience in my life. I was reminded last night, as Ryan and I went to pray and love on a family in grief as they watched their loved one in her last stages of cancer, that life is way too short to allow a moment to be wasted. My mind was flooded with my last moments I had with my Grandmother several years ago as she was in her final stage of the battle against cancer, that we are called to live a life that reflects Jesus and to live it to its fullest. My Grandmother lived life to …

Journey into 2014: Ready or not, it's on!

Faith-defined as complete trust or confidence in someone or something; strong belief in God or in the doctrines of religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof.

Apprehension-anxiety or fear that something bad or unpleasant will happen; misgivings, unease, nervousness, tension, dread, alarm, fear.

Trust-firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

The pathway to full and abundant faith in God is a rocky one. The life of a Christian is difficult. To those of you who are reading this and seeking answers to some sort of void in your life, here is a news flash—I don’t have all the answers and none of us does! I don’t know anyone that would choose to boast such a thing, so my hope is in writing this that those of you who claim to be so full of faith and a “strong” Christian—this is quite possible a moment for you to stop that comfortable thought process and consider that it may be the perfect time for you to be ready for your faith t…