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Showing posts from March, 2011

The state of things....

Third cup of coffee and yet I could crawl back in bed and go right to sleep. The reality of having a new baby still has not set in and I am certain when I return to work April 12 it is not going to change overnight. Being tired is part of life for awhile. I am counting the days I have left on maternity leave more so now than 2 weeks ago because I can't believe how little of it is left. Ryan is unemployed and we have no real job offers for him yet. He has a lot of prospects, but once again we are in that familiar zone of waiting. Waiting on God. I find as I get older I am really, really bad at this patience thing. For several days now, well, let's be honest, for several weeks I have been dealing with a lot of anger and just plain frustration with our situation and with God. I find myself questioning and crying out to Him more than I am finding moments of peace and reassurance. I know what His Word says, I have heard any number of reminders from family and friends of w…
It's late, kids are getting settled in to bed and baby Chloe is asleep for at least an hour and a half so I am getting this in while I can. What a week. We've had a great visit with both of our families in Missouri, some much needed rest and relaxation. Unlike other trips we are headed home with some added stress. After today Ryan is officially among the unemployed. I still have about 3 weeks of maternity leave to go before I return to work. I am not sure how to describe what we are both feeling right now. It would be very easy to get overwhelmed by the unknown: fear, anxiety, stress can literally have weight to it in moments like this. You can feel it in our conversations, it can at times bear down heavily on the mind and heart. I honestly don't feel like doing this right now, and I can say I am just too tired to deal with it. I would much rather not even think about it. More than anything I wish so much I could snap my fingers and fix this for Ryan. He deser…