Lord, Be....because I cannot

So many reasons today to get bogged down by my weakness, my inability, my inadequacy. I am about 2 1/2 weeks from my due date so my physical being is weary, worn out, feeling a great deal of fatigue. My mind is racing with all there is to do, not just for the baby, but for Ryan. Mid February, and he hasn't had a bite yet. Many, many applications and contacts and no sign of progress yet on the job front. End of March is approaching quickly it seems, which leaves us to wonder what is next for him? My heart aches for answers to the hurts and frustrations I still wrestle with daily. It comes in waves. Just when I seem to be at the point of no return, I can reach for my Father in heaven and cry out to Him, "I cannot take another moment of this Lord! Help me!" Somehow, He does it. Just for me. There are a million other things going on today that probably are of greater concern than what I am enduring, and yet, He cares for me and He loves me so deeply. The day to day, moment to moment struggle really sucks. There's no other way to describe it. The uncertainty of this life is certain--that seems to be a contradictory statement but it is true. We can count on life to be uncertain most of the time because we don't have any guarantees. I read in my devotional today about the Israelites struggles and God calling Gideon to deliver them. He felt so weak, so unable, so inadequate because of his circumstances. He told God, "How? Why? I cannot do this!" And yet, God did it and used Gideon and that small army to do just what He said He'd do. He saved them. All they had to do, all Gideon had to do was choose to believe it and do what God called him to do. I need vision right now. Not the kind of vision we think of in terms of our physical ability to see, but for my heart to comprehend. I know there is a battle going on in my mind, my heart, and my physical struggles only add to that when Satan thinks he's found a way to poke and jab at me, get the best of me. Even in my weakness, my struggle to find vision today God brought this familiar hymn to my mind.

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

The words of this hymn, sum up where my vision needs to be. I need to embrace His presence, it is my light. He is my shield for battle, my shelter, my power. No matter what Lord, be my vision. The end of my devotional was a reminder of where my focus needs to be: "fixed eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen" 2 Corinthians 4:18. God sees us for who we truly are. I may see myself as weak, fatigued and weary but He sees me as a woman of great worth, pontential and purpose. God asked Gideon, "Am I not sending you?" I believe He is asking me that today. I know He has a purpose and a plan for me and Ryan, and I know He has our best in mind. Only good things can come when God is at work.
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