At some point I realize this blog thing should be a habit for me, but it has just become another thing for me to check off of my 'to do list'. Working full time in addition to being a mother of three, wife, homemaker, etc., all makes for a rather impossible schedule for me. I don't know how I get anything accomplished. It has always been a day to day thing for me. All is right in my little world if I can just check off what I intended to accomplish for the day. If I don't get it all done, it very naturally spills over to the next day's list. As I age, I hope I am becoming a bit more relaxed although I have the feeling Ryan would protest. I am quite certain he would have a good laugh at that too. Anyway, I cannot believe my grandmother is gone. She passed just two weeks ago today. It doesn't seem real to me. It feels as if I need to call her, check on her, just let her know I love her and I am thinking about her. My heart aches to think about her most times, and I am having a lot of weepy moments. I just miss her sweet presence, the sound of her voice, her encouraging and loving words, the sparkle in her eyes, her infectious laugh, I could go on and on. I just miss her and a lot of the time I feel so cheated to not have more time with her as I'd hoped. I am sure my Dad feels the same, although I think he has dealt with some anger too. I think I'd be angry with God at first too, for just not letting her live a little longer. How selfish is that of us? After all, He knows best especially since He's the one who created us. Loneliness makes us more selfish than we realize we truly are. Somehow at the end of the day, after I have had my human moment, had a chance to purge my heart and mind, I think God just sweeps over me with His perfect peace. Thanks Lord! It's cool how He does that.
I can't believe how long it has been since my last blog entry. Since I last wrote, I have been to Missouri and back. My parents flew me back last weekend to spend some last moments with my grandmother as she settled at home. We knew she only had a few days to live once they discharged her from the hospital and the doctors had made their final diagnosis. Pancreatic cancer is one of the, if not THE most fatal type of cancer. By the time her bloodwork came back her liver was taken over by it. Over the weekend we watched her grow weaker but somehow she gathered the strength to visit with each of us about some of our favorite memories together over the years. I am thankful for the time we had, and will cherish my memories with her for many years. She went home to be with the Lord Tuesday morning. I am amazed and at peace to know she is with the Father now. It must be wonderful, so incredible to spend all of eternity in His presence. We can only imagine, but the reality of it is hers now. We will gather with family next week for a memorial service in her honor Friday, May 9. Although the pain and grief of her loss will be with me from time to time, the peace of knowing she is with the Lord is so much stronger.

my Ebenezer...

“…Thus far the Lord has helped us.”-1 Samuel 7:12 There are moments in my life when I look back and can see how God in His perfect yet my...